It’s still hard to believe that North Korea fired long-range missiles. We took all the trouble of invading Iraq, and it turns out that the Weapons of Mass Destruction were somewhere else.  Boy, is our face red!  Who knew that hunting for WMDs is like searching for your car keys?  They’re always in the last place you look.

Japan is concerned about the launch, and they’re continuing to make noises about building up their military forces again.  Japan has been a pacifist nation since the end of World War II, when the United States wrote into their constitution that they couldn’t use force to resolve disputes.  Personally, I think we should simply bargain with Japan. They want to start building up their military again?  Fine--make a Godzilla movie with an actual plot and no cute kids, and maybe we can talk.

Over a hundred people have died in Iraq over the last few days, but the administration refuses to call what’s going on in Iraq “a civil war.” Notice how people just avoid the labels that they don’t like, even if they fit?  This morning, the Bay Area’s BART transit system broke down.  Officials called it “a gap in service.” No, you idiots, being five minutes late is a gap in service.  Not showing up for an hour is breaking the hell down. 

The thing that gets me is when people like Bush and Condoleeza make “surprise visits” to Iraq or Afghanistan.  What’s that all about?  What purpose does it serve?

“Hey, it’s me, President Bush!  Surprise!”

“Oh.  Uh...hi.  Yeah, it’s true, we didn’t expect you. So--what did you bring us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you have an exit strategy?  A way to get our country out of this spiral of bloodshed and violence?”

“Um, no.  I’m just, y’know, showing up.  Where people don’t expect it.  Hey look!  It’s me!”

(blank stare)

“Um, okay, if you need me, I’ll be hanging out in Air Force One.  For an hour or so.  Until it’s time to fly home.”

The fact is, the Revolutionary War started in 1775 and the British surrendered in 1781. That’s six years.  We’ve been fighting in Iraq for four years, and we’ve accomplished squat.  America is actually worse at fighting wars than we were hundreds of years ago.  We’re hopeless at staging battles unless they involve Captain Jack Sparrow or Keira Knightley.  Or maybe we could just send in Jack Bauer. You know how long it would take him to wrap up Iraq?  I mean, I don’t know, but I’m guessing a day--tops.