A weekend in Yosemite to celebrate one’s parents’ 40th wedding anniversary.  A time to ponder life’s choices and opportunities, and to acknowledge that some things stay the same even while most other things change.

And, being a five hour drive, it’s also a time to get tired of one’s CD collection and catch up on Top 40 radio.  Fortune favored me during this radio bonding session: I was delighted to discover a charming new chanteuse called Mya.  In listening carefully to several selections from her musical oeuvre, it was clear that her influences include most of the great masters: Mozart.  Dvorak.  Schubert.  Menudo.  Wahlberg.

I was particularly enchanted with a frothy little pop confection called “My Love is Like Whoa,” featuring the smash hit lyrics:

My love is like Whoa
My kiss is like Whoa
My touch is like Whoa
My body’s like Whoa

And so on.  In addition to this being, in my opinion, a highly skilled use of figurative language (poetry fans will note the use of simile in each line!  Keanu Reeves fans will note the use of ‘Whoa’ in each line!), I think these lyrics also offer an excellent idea for blind dates.  After all, ‘Whoa’ can mean pretty much anything.

So let’s say a friend sets you up with a blind date.  He asks, “How should I describe you to her?”

“Tell her I like movies and scuba diving and long walks on the beach.  Oh, and also, that my love is like Whoa, my kiss is like Whoa, my touch is like Whoa, my body’s like Whoa.”

Then, when you finally meet her, she can’t hold anything against you.  “Hey, you’re the ugliest guy I’ve ever seen.  I guess you meant ‘Whoa’ in a bad way, not a good way.”

“I’m afraid so.  In this particular case, ‘My body’s like Whoa’ is shorthand for ‘I have thinning hair, love handles, and a zit the size of Jupiter.’ And since we’re taking this opportunity to be straightforward and honest, I should mention that we’re totally going Dutch.”