When did it first happen?  I think it happened moments after strolling into my first high school dance.  I was 14 years old.

Red and blue lights streamed across the crowd.  Beats were dropping.  Bodies were rocking.  Everyone shook it.  Everyone shaked it. 

And suddenly, without warning, I chomped down on my lower lip.  And I began to groove.

I didn’t know I was doing this.  But as near as I can tell, I did it whenever I heard music for two years.  Then, around my junior year, my date said, “Why are you dancing like that?”

I said, “What do you mean?”

She said, “You have white man’s overbite.  You look ridiculous.”

“Huh?”

She said, “You’re biting your lip while you dance.  It’s called ‘white man’s overbite.’ You think you’re in tune with the music, but you’re just biting your lip like you’re in pain or something.”

I thought about it.  I concentrated on my face.  And I realized: she was right.  I was biting down on my lip.

“Okay,” I said.  “I can deal with this.  I can unbite my lip.”

“I don’t know,” she replied.  “I think you’ve been doing it a long time.  You may not be able to stop.”

“Of course I can stop.”

And I tried.  I felt the music pulsing inside of me, moving around in my head and heart and soul like a restless animal--encouraging my face to tighten up.  But I concentrated.  I looked at the girl.  She had soft brown eyes.  A gentle, curving jaw.  A low-cut dress.  My face relaxed.  I smiled.

I had beaten it!

She said, “But now you’re just staring at me and grinning like a drunk uncle.  You’re not even dancing.”

Okay, I thought, I’ll just add a few steps back into it--

And suddenly I was chomping down hard again.  As soon as I began to move, it was like my face was sliding off my skull and my instinct was to fasten it in place using every tooth at my disposal.

So it was too late for me.

You know how your mother told you “Don’t make that face because it’ll stay like that?” You may have laughed at her.  But in regards to white man’s overbite, it’s actually true.  Once you succumb to it, it becomes hardwired into your system.

Therefore, I want to take this opportunity to reach out to my younger readers.  There are those of you in your 20s, even in your teens.  It may not be too late for you.  You can prevent this from happening. Remember: it’s only music.  When you first hear it, you may want to be consumed by it.  You may feel it trying to get inside of you.  But fight back!  You control the music.  The music doesn’t control you

And whatever you do, don’t bite down.

Because what can happen won’t be pretty.  Nowadays?  When there’s nothing to lose and there’s nothing to prove I’ll be dancing with myself.  And also because I scare people.  They point at me and say “Look!  His face is contorted in a hideous Hannibal Lector-type mask!” And someone else says “Shhhh!  If we’re lucky he really will lay down and boogie and play that funky music ‘til he dies.  Like, keel over.  In the next five minutes or so.”