I don’t mean to date myself here--

--and when I say “date myself” I mean “inadvertently reveal my advanced years,” not “sequester myself in the bathroom with a bunch of Victoria’s Secret catalogs"--

--but I remember when the Baby Jessica story was on the cover of newspapers all across the country.  The toddler was trapped in a well for over two days, and her rescue was broadcast on every single channel.  It was a national sensation.

Well, she’s now nineteen years old and she just got married.  And the thing is, her new husband is 32 years old.

I think it’s creepy that this dude was basically watching television when he was thirteen, saw Jessica get hauled out of the well, and said “Whoa, check her out.  She’s got the stuff.  Some day she will be my bride.”

And it’s not like he can avoid the topic, either. He’ll constantly be bringing up the age difference every time he has to introduce her to someone.  Why?  Because I’m sure she still goes by “Baby Jessica"--so he’ll be all “I’d like you to meet my wife, Baby Jessica,” and people will be all “Yeah, we can see that.  So much for the half plus seven rule, eh partner?”