1. This weekend my brother and his wife asked me to be the legal guardian of my niece in the event of a tragedy.  In all honesty, I was surprised; other people worry whether I have the emotional maturity to handle being loaned a copy of the Space Ghost: Coast to Coast Volume One DVD, much less given a child.  In any event, although one obviously hopes I never have to face such a situation, I’m going to make a point to water my plants more often.

2. A $500,000 home in the Bay Area is invariably described as a “starter home.” Exactly what are you supposed to start after making such a purchase?  Selling crack on the side so you can make the mortage payments?

3. I used to think that I could have chili for dinner every night for the rest of my life.  That’s before I made Firecracker Chili in my new crock pot and found that theory actually being put to the test.  I airlifted several thousand pounds of it to Eritrea, hoping to help feed their starving millions, and I got a note back from the government: “We loved it.  For the first few hundreds bowls or so.  I think we can handle it from here.  Thanks for the nice thought, but get a hobby.”

4. Idea for a sequel: A woman is declared dead after a near-fatal boxing match, but is brought back to life by a team of scientists who endow her with mechanical limbs and a fierce desire to fight evil.  Coming this summer: The Six Million Dollar Baby.