During my usual run around Lake Merritt, I found myself joining with a mass of other people who were jogging in some sort of special event. As I rounded the corner, I saw one of the event sponsors or planners standing to the side, wearing a bright blue shirt. Mistaking me for one of the participants, he clapped at me and shouted “Good job! Good job!” And I thought to myself, what is this, the 5 Kilometer Run for People with Horrible Self Esteem? I do not require someone clapping at me while I exercise. However, it might be nice if I had someone like that for chores where my enthusiasm really does start to flag. For example, grocery shopping is boring. I’d like to leave the deli section and have someone applaud: “Good job! You’ve only got aisles 4 and 7 to go! And don’t forget the 2-for-1 sale on eggs!”
When I’m walking down the street, I spend a lot of time stopping and waving at the sky, because you never know when someone is watching you using Google maps.
Ever notice that the more affluent the parents are, the more ridiculous the names for their children? “Sterling” is not a valid name for a child. Rule of thumb: if it’s an adjective that can be used to describe silverware, then it has no place on a human being.
I will soon be an uncle again, or already am depending on your definition of when life begins. (If you want my opinion, I believe that life begins after 6 p.m. on Friday in either a pub, a club, or a movie theater.) At first this concerned me, because although I possess an absolute infinity of awesome uncleness, would splitting up the bounty affect the quality of my uncle output? But then I realized that half of infinity is still infinity, so now I’m fine with it; both of my young customers will be well served.
By the way, if there’s a reader of this dumb site who lives in Paris, let me know if you’re willing to show me and a friend a cool, non-touristy, hidden gem to eat at during the first two weeks in May. I will reward you with a bowl of fries invented by your people.
Posted by Greg at 06:06 AM on 04/07/08
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