I don’t usually lose my temper, but boy did I hit the roof this weekend.

It happened Sunday evening when I checked my site stats.  They tell me interesting things, including search words that people have used to find this page.  One of the searches came from Google:

Pictures of Juliana Margulies in the shower

I became outraged.

Now, you might think I was upset because losers type dumb searches into Google at all hours of the day and night, and this site became caught up in their dysfunctional lameness because a random assortment of posts happened to form a match to this search request.

But no, that wasn’t it.  I was upset because I knew she had been writing on my blog again.

“JULIANA!” I yelled.

She poked her head out of the bathroom, wet hair pasted across her shoulders.  White clouds of steam spilled into the air. “What’s wrong, Greg?”

“I’m getting search hits about your shower pictures again.”

“Oh.  Uh...that’s weird.  I don’t know how that happened.”

“Don’t lie to me, Juliana.  You posted shower pictures and then took them down again, didn’t you?”

She hung her head in shame.  “It’s just that...posting to your site can be very cathartic...I love the way I feel after taking a shower, and I just wanted to share that with the world, even for a moment.  But I deleted the post immediately!  Honest!”

“Well, Google still managed to take a snapshot of it and now I’m getting search requests.  Can’t you just start up your own blog instead of screwing around with mine?  julianaintheshower.blogspot.com or something?”

She rolled her eyes.  “I’m not going to get all into it.  It’s just a lark.”

“That’s what they all say until they get sucked in.  Now look, Juliana, I don’t mind you staying at my place and recuperating and thinking about your future career plans.  Which is a good idea--it’s not like you’ve done a whole bunch since you left E.R..  And your movie choices haven’t exactly been stellar.  I mean, not only was Ghost Ship a pretty bad movie, but your performance in it lacked your usual vibrant, method-acting believability--”

“Wait, you actually saw Ghost Ship?”

“Shut up.  Anyway, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you want, but stay off my blog.”

“Okay.  I promise.”

“And while you’re at it, stop tying up the computer with all your instant messenger chats with Clooney.”

“Okay.” She began to duck back into the shower.

“Oh, and Juliana--?

“Yes?”

“Don’t use up all the hot water.”