Biking can be an excellent source of cardio exercise.  However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can simply jump on a bike and start riding.  The battle lines between cars and bicyclists have slowly been drawn for years, and you need to understand the rules of engagement.

In order to be a part of bike culture, you must follow a series of very specific cultural directives.  Mainly, it’s necessary to be a fascist in your quest to hog the road, weaving in and out of driver blind spots as though your sense of equilibrium has been permanently damaged by listening to Metallica at full volume.  Is your green, orange, and yellow spandex too tasteful?  Don’t feel shy about adding a purple helmet and pink shoes.  Curse out cars who veer as little as two inches in your direction, and curse out anybody with a “MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT” bumper sticker just out of general principle.  Be sure to carry a cloud of smugness around you that ensures that every motorized vehicle within visual range understands your inherent superiority and your ability to save the environment from destruction by sheer virtue of your finely tuned calves and pedaling acumen.  Most importantly, remember that road signs are simply a suggestion, not a directive.  Glide past Yield and Stop Signs as though they’re project deadlines at work, and stare blankly at any motorist who screeches on the brakes in an attempt to avoid hitting you.

Bicyclists sound like a hard-bitten bunch of felons, don’t they?  Don’t judge too harshly; they’re simply reacting to their environment.  Most drivers fly into a fit of road rage at the mere sight of a U-lock.  In their eyes, call bicyclists are a pack of potential eco-terrorists, and should be exiled to Romania where they can ride up and down hills to their heart’s content.  Drivers feel as though that if God intended people to ride bikes, he would never have created five-lane highways.

Motorists and bicyclists constitute one of the great blood feuds of the last century, making the Sri Lanka’s Tamil Tigers and Sinhalese majority look like the cast of “Up with People.” Good way to burn calories--if you survive the experience.