I had to buy some new closet doors this weekend.  So off I went to Home Depot.

“I like that one,” I said, motioning towards one of closet door models they had on display.

“Okay,” the guy said.  “Do you have the measurements for the closet space?”

“Sure,” I said, “But you know, maybe I like this one over here better--” and I took a step.

“DON’T DO THAT!”

“Huh?”

“You can’t walk over there.”

“Why not?”

The guy grimaced.  He appeard to be struggling with an inner conflict.  Then he said, “That closet door model is located in a red terror zone.  Although the United States recently lowered its terror alert to yellow, you may have heard Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge say that unspecified parts of the country would be asked to remain on a heightened state of alert to guard against possible terror attacks. “

“So the terror alert is mostly yellow, but in some undisclosed places it’s still red.”

“Right.”

“And one of those places is inside this Home Depot.”

“Well, parts of it.  I can’t tell you exactly where, of course.  Unless you go into one of the red areas.  It’s a strictly need-to-know thing.”

I sighed.  “Okay, look, what if I bought this model over here--”

“DON’T TOUCH IT!”

I jumped back.  He eyed me warily.

“You seem to have an uncanny knack for knowing where the red areas are.  What’s your position on, like, being evil and overturning democracy?”

I threw up my hands.  “Look, forget it.  I’ll take the first model I looked at.  You know, the one that’s in the yellow area.”

“Fine.”

“And now I’m going to buy a cup coffee.” I took a step--

“DON’T STEP THERE!”

I snapped, “What, this piece of the floor is located in a red area too?”

“No, but I saw someone spit on it an hour ago.”