I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow was on Inside the Actors Studio this weekend.  I didn’t watch it, but I don’t really think of Paltrow as an actress. She’s just someone who looks like a duck and occasionally annoys me by wandering onscreen and reciting lines.  Therefore, I figure that the host-guy of Actors Studio probably said something like “We know you haven’t really studied the craft of acting and therefore have never been inside an actor’s studio, but don’t worry.  We’ll ask you questions about being inside green rooms instead so you won’t be intimidated.  For example:

What kinds of green rooms have you been in?

Which green rooms are your favorite?

Do they keep different kind of snacks in green rooms?

Do you ask for specific kinds of bottled water to be kept in your green rooms?

Is your fondness for bottled water the reason that you resemble a duck?”

And so on.

A rumor circulated this weekend that Paltrow was expecting another baby with her husband, Chris Martin of the band Coldplay--

--and excuse me, but what the hell kind of band name is Coldplay?  It’s just two unrelated words stuck together.  I wonder what names the band rejected before coming up with that one:

Redfoot
Moonstomp
Earnose
Nutsack
Biznatch

--anyway, so they might have another baby, but I won’t make a cheap joke about the fact they named their first child “Apple.” I can make fun of Paltrow and Martin all I want, but even I know that they won’t choose another fruit name; they’ll go 180 degrees in the other direction.  So let me just say how much I’m looking forward to the arrival of young Asparagus.