All people who don’t articulate their phone numbers on voice mails will incur my severest wrath.  Those who will be first up against the wall include:

The seduction practice.  This caller plans to have relations with his or her spouse that evening, so the phone number becomes a training ground for low, breathy tones.  “It was great meeting you last week.  If you’d like to follow up, just give me a call at (breath breath breath oooh baby I want it I want it) and try me during the morning because that’s the best time to ravage--I mean, reach me.”

The Two-for-Zeroes.  Some people repeat their phone number twice and still screw it up.  “I can be reached at (mumble mumble mumble).  Wait, let me say that one more time, but this time in Roman numerals played backwards.  That’ll be fun!  Ha ha ha ha!  Whoops, wait a minute, I’m very stupid, I accidentally put my tongue into a pencil sharpener.”

The literary readings.  The worst is when they mumble the number at the end of a very long call so you can’t retrieve the number unless you listen to their incompetence all over again.  “I definitely think there’s an opportunity for us to work together.  And by the way, I just read this fabulous book called Moby Dick, and I’d like to do a dramatic reading of it for you....blah blah blah blah blah....’Chapter 57.  And then we lowered Queequeg into a coffin.’ Cool, huh?  Okay, I can be reached at (mumble mumble mumble).”

First up against the wall.  And many more to follow.