SHE: I’m not worried about going on a date with a guy I don’t know very well. I have a series of questions that tell me whether he’s a serial killer or not, and they’re proven to work.

ME: Like what?

SHE: Question #1: Have you ever tortured small animals or insects for fun?

ME: Good…

SHE: Question #2: Have you ever lived alone in a cabin in a land-locked state?

ME: ....

SHE: Question #3: Are you a serial killer?

ME: ...

SHE: ...

ME: ...and you say that this screening process is proven to work?

SHE: Absolutely. I am not dead.