I haven’t flown in a while and I was pleasantly surprised how quickly airport security lines go.  Even a year after 9-11, you could expect long, snaking lines presided over by 19-year olds wearing combat fatigues and carrying rifles. Now, the lines are still long but they move at a rapid clip.  Everyone knows what’s expected and what needs to be done.  I was in and out in twenty minutes--and I didn’t even hit a snag until the end.

“Please put your laptop in a separate box on the conveyor belt.”

“Right.”

“Please put your jacket into yet another box on the conveyor belt.”

“Right.”

“Please take off your shoes.”

“Right.”

“Please take off your cell phone.”

“Right.”

“Now juggle your shoes.”

“Right.”

“Here’s your cell phone.  Now juggle all three objects.”

“Right.”

“Now recite your favorite line from The Princess Bride.’”

“Huh?”

“Go on, hurry up.”

“Uh....”

(A number of security guards start to look over suspiciously at me.  One of them whispers: “He’s stalling.")

“Okay, okay.  Uh...’You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is Never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.’”

(The guards peer at me.)

“That’s an awfully esoteric choice.”

“Well, I think it’s funny.”

“Most people just go with ‘My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.’ Perhaps you’re a pinko communist terrorist scum?”

“Look, I like that line too, but everyone quotes that.  It sort of loses its effect after a while.”

(The guards rest their hands on their weapons.  The air is thick with tension.  Then:)

“All right fine.  Pack up your things and get out of here. But we’ve got our eye on you, long-line-quoter.  Things are different now here in the good ‘ol U.S. of A.”

I hurried to catch my flight.  The whole thing had only taken twenty minutes.  It was great to see that airport security really had become more effective and efficient.