I am not amused by Sorry Everybody.

No, my candidate didn’t win the election.  No, I’m not happy that the next Supreme Court justices will likely be enemies of Roe versus Wade. No, I don’t think that attacking Iraq makes the U.S. safer. 

But this is still a representative democracy, and I’m not apologizing for the fact that the best chimpanzee won. 

Is France apologizing for having recently banned Muslim headscarves in classrooms?

Is Germany apologizing for having overburdened their economy with an ungainly system of social benefits?

Is Australia apologizing for Paul Hogan?

All countries have something to be ashamed of.  It’s just that our shame is highly visible, highly destructive, and can’t form an English sentence to save his life.  But he won the vote in a land that created the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer seasons 1-5.  America may be a lot of things, but we’re not Myanmar and we’re not the Ivory Coast.

Seriously, liberals, could you have any less pride? 

I say this even though some of my little online friends are active participants in this travesty.  Halsted, I love you because you write posts like this one, but this is not a good idea.

Liberals are already seen as tremendous weenies, and this isn’t helping.  And it’s not like we have time to kill.  We have four years to revisit our message, communicate it, and displace the idea that the reds have some sort of bizarre monopoly on the concept of moral values.  But I’m apologizing for two things: Jack and Squat.

By 2008, I want the left wing to be seen as tough. I mean The Rock tough.  Dick Cheney chewing on babies before the VP debate?  Was that the commonly circulated joke?  Screw that.  We should all chew on babies.  (Although my niece is off limits.) And we need to hold our ground, speak the truth, and be feared.  If people are willing to swallow an oxymoron like compassionate conservatism, we can damn well serve up our own: kick-ass liberalism.

Now shut up and stop wasting webcam pixels on this nonsense.  At the very least, use them for something more important and patriotic--like revenue-generating nudity.