Pushing your niece and her baby carriage through a crowded crosswalk in San Francisco sometimes means stopping and waiting for other people to walk in front of you.  But I was stunned when I had to halt because a cop on a horse bounded off the curb.  I actually had to stop and wait for the horse.

Immediate thoughts:

I hope the law that’s being broken is pretty serious, dicksnort.  Because you’ll have to significantly lower the crime rate in order to justify, oh, let me see, a baby on your horse’s hoof.  Are you known for this at the precinct?  Does the Captain bellow “Kinsey, you’re a loose cannon.  Sure, you caught the drug smugglers, but you stepped on five babies.  Give me your badge and gun.” You’re a maverick cop who deals out your own brand of justice--to BABIES.

Why a horse?  What is this, Tombstone?  Did you not get a chance to change out of your cop uniform on the way to the Renaissance Fair?  I read the papers, but I must have missed the article about the rise in cattle rustling across the city.  Oh, and be careful about that riding around on a horse thing--what if you get hit by a tumbleweed?  But it’s cool--you know what you can throw at tumbleweeds to knock them out of your path?  BABIES.

When my niece is 16, I’m going to recommend that she stop shooting up heroin, stealing cars, and sleeping with bikers.  She’ll say “You’ve got to do everything you can before the Man does it to you.  The Man will crush you under his hoof, as though you’re nothing but a cow patty.  Don’t ask me how I know this.  I just do.” Thanks, Johnny Law.  I hope Jesse James kicks your ass.