It’s very hard to stay in the mood when someone is belting out Offspring’s “Come Out and Play"--and doing it very well--while the so-called “video” on the TV shows a couple of asians in a gondola. The song is about gang violence; what does that have to do with gondolas? Although it would explain why a lot of people are disappointed with Venice when they visit. Maybe they wore the wrong colors.
You do learn a lot in regards to lyrics because you get a chance to see them for the first time. Did you know that the line from Van Halen’s “Jump” is “I’ve got my back against the record machine”? With God as my witness, I thought that line was “I’ve got my back against the wrecking machine.” I’ve thought that ever since...well, 1984. I think my version is better. “Wrecking machine” is way more badass. If Van Halen had used that line people would still be listening to them. But they don’t, because they didn’t. Now, I understand that there’s no real such thing as a wrecking machine--it should be wrecking ball or something--but there’s no such thing as a record machine either. It ought to be “record player” or maybe “jukebox.” The point is, I hated both Lee Roth and Hagar and now I know why.
The best thing about being an uptight white guy is that I can always sing “Play That Funky Music” when it’s my turn, because the song is supposed to be sung by an uptight white guy. It’s like casting Jim Carey as someone who is “zany”; you can’t lose. Ideally I’d be able to show a progression, becoming less uptight as the song goes along and matching its narrative, but c’mon, this is free entertainment. No one’s paying for nuance.