I’m leaving on a business trip this weekend and won’t be back until the following Saturday.  In my absence, I’m turning over care and feeding of the geese to my father, Matt.  Everyone seems to enjoy his comments, and God knows he’s got opinions.  I mean...a lot of opinions.  Scads.  And if you think his opinions are the same as my opinions, I hope you’re renting rather than owning that piece of real estate in Fool’s Paradise.

At the very least, I expect it to be entertaining.  And this site only exists to entertain me, so there you have it.

I would also feel remiss if I didn’t mention that Patty Adams is in the middle of a two-week stint over at Bryan Adams Blog.  So when you get your fill of the paternal, drop by there and get your Mom on.  Clearly, having parents blog is the new black.

Hope it’s fun and I’ll kick him off in a week or so, after which I expect to see the very quick arrival of beardedguymouthsoff.blogspot.com.

Yesterday I stumbled across the web site of someone with whom I went to high school.  She now gives classes in sensuality and sexuality, and describes herself as “poly, pagan, and sex-positive.”

Can you imagine how the experience of going to the doctor would change if this was actually a potential diagnosis?

“Great news honey.  The tests came back positive.  Sex positive.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you!  Now we can--HEY.  Can’t you wait until we get home?  This is a waiting room.”

“Oh, just let them watch.  We’ll be a beacon of hope or something.”

Or:

“Mr Peterson, your results came back.”

“What’s the verdict, Doc? Give it to me straight.”

“I’m afraid they’re negative.”

“My God.”

“Don’t worry, there’s always next year’s checkup.  In the meantime, I’m writing out a prescription for mouthwash and dental floss.  Try using them more than once a week.”

The big tech news last week was that Google will now be offering free web-based email.  The difference between Google’s service and similar ones from Yahoo and Hotmail is that Gmail will provide a generous amount of storage space: about 1GB.

However, there’s a catch: Google will use an automated scanning program to search emails for keywords, and then send targeted advertisements based on its findings.  For example, you might email someone about going to Hawaii for vacation, and then you’d receive ads about airfare and hotels.

Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal.  I’d like to receive ads that are customized to my specific interests and needs--and if they use my email to do it, all the better.  For example, just take a look at some of the recent emails I’ve sent:

Dear Barbara,

Your pal,
Greg

Huh.  You know, on second thought, maybe I’ll just stick with Yahoo.

It’s time for the truth about this site to be told.  I’m not who you think I am.  I’m not Greg Howard--some random nobody living in northern California.  This entire site has been constructed around an imaginary personality.

It’s time for you to know who I am.  I’m…

DONALD RUMSFELD!

I’ve used this web site to log the IP addresses of every person who has ever visited here.  And now that I know you’ll voluntarily read the inane drivel of some liberal-leaning dork, I intend to track every one of you down.  I WILL WIRETAP YOUR PHONES.  I WILL SEND YOU ALL TO BE TRIED BY A MILITARY TRIBUNAL.  I WILL FEAST ON YOUR LIVING HEARTS.  I WILL.....

......eh, you know what, screw it.  I’ve always been crappy at April Fool’s jokes.