“Every day I put it off, more people get married.”
--Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, explaining his urgency in passing a constitutional amendment that bans gay marriage

YEARS AND YEARS AGO:

Scene: School playground.  5-year old Billy Frist wanders along forlornly, clutching his lunch money.  He smells bad and looks like a dork.  He’s obviously a creep.

Two boys who are best friends play catch.

Billy: I want to play catch too!

Boys:  Get lost, creep.

They bean Billy with a baseball and leave.  Billy clutches his fist and waves it at the sky.

Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all males who have a very close relationship and/or emotional bond!  I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!

Two girls jumping rope come skipping along the grass.

Billy:  I want to skip rope too!

Girls: Get lost, creep.

They push past Billy, knocking him against a nearby building.  Billy clutches his fist and waves it at the sky.

Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all females who have a very close relationship and/or emotional bond!  I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!

(Billy is unaware that he’s standing right underneath a window that’s part of the school cafeteria.  The cafeteria woman opens the window and tosses out a pot full of fisheads and gross soup on top of Billy, who clutches his fist and waves it at the sky)

Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all cafeteria workers!  I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!

(pauses)

Billy: Wow, I have a lot of amendments to pass.  I’d better get started.

(He wanders off to scheme.)

Cafeteria Woman: What a creep.