A federal court judge ruled today that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is unconstitutional, saying that the pledge’s reference to “under God” violates the rights of school children to be “free from a coercive requirement to affirm God.” The suit is the second by atheist Michael Newdow, who has been trying for five years to remove the pledge from public classrooms.

You might think that I’m in favor of this action, given that I’m not especially religious, but I think it’s ridiculous.  What a waste of time.

Kids are too stupid to understand what they’re saying when they recite the pledge, so they’re not going to be unduly influenced either way by the expression “Under God.” Take me, for example.  For years, I thought “freedom ring” was actually pronounced “free, dumb ring.” You can imagine what my family trip to the east coast was like:

“Look Greg, this is the Liberty Bell!”

“So what?  I want to see the Free, Dumb Ring.”

What’s up with atheists running around and complaining about the Pledge of Allegiance?  If they have that much time on their hands, I wish they’d come over to my place to do my laundry.  At the very least, they should read a story by Flannery O’Connor called Wise Blood.  It’s about a man who is so vocal and emphatic about the non-existence of God that it quickly becomes apparent that he’s actually a fervent believer.  These people are the equivalent of frat guys named Chad who go around calling everyone “faggot”; they’re clearly protesting too much.

But let’s look at the issue rationally.  If the pledge is causing that much controversy, maybe we should just do away with it altogether.  After all, Congress only formalized it in 1942 (and added the “Under God” language in 1954).  That’s pretty recent.  American Bandstand wasn’t on the air for much longer than that, and how many people consider that a sacred totem of our culture?

We would have to find something to replace the pledge, though, since California law requires that public elementary schools conduct “appropriate patriotic exercises” at the beginning of the school day.  Allow me to make some suggestions: