Have you seen those frozen crock pot dinners that you can buy in the supermarket? Who buys those things?  Having a crock pot is already admitting that you’re kind of person who would like to sleep twelve hours a night.  Having a crock pot frozen dinner is like saying that after you sleep those twelve hours, you want a servant to carry you around your house on a cot.

How long does it take to chop up the ingredients for a standard crock pot stew, anyway? Five minutes?  Do people who buy crock pot dinners pride themselves on their time management? 

“I’ve saved an average of five minutes a night by putting in a crock pot frozen dinner rather than chopping up fresh meat and vegetables.  With that time, I’ve learned three languages, two martial arts, and the difference between ‘meiosis’ and ‘mitosis.’ But I’m really hoping they make a ‘time saver’ version for busy people like me.  You’d buy the dinner, and twelve hours later it would cook itself, jump down off the stove, leap on to your face, and pour itself down your throat.”