This weekend, a bartender said something ridiculous to my friend and he winked at me beforehand. He didn’t know me. But in that quick, subtle gesture he let me in on the joke. I felt a brief thrill of pleasure. I laughed at the joke when he said it. I felt that if the bartender and I were hunched in a trench and a grenade went sailing in behind us, I’d jump on it. I’d sacrifice my life for his. I’d take a face full of shrapnel.
I realized that this is a big secret of people who are successful and charismatic: they have mastered the art of the wink. They know how to use it at key moments that bring others into their confidence and confer a sense of intimacy.
I’ve tried winking a little bit myself. I’m not very good at it. To help me, I’ve developed some rules that, I believe, help govern one’s use of the wink:
1. Get the gesture right. It’s just a brief, barely perceptible flicker. You shouldn’t put the entire side of your facial muscles into play. If you do, it won’t look like a subtle gesture of good natured intimacy; it will look like someone squirted lemon in your eye.
2. Only wink before you say or do something that’s meant to be funny or ironic or otherwise notable. If you wink at someone and say “Here, look at this Excel spreadsheet,” people will be confused.
3. Winking is intimate, and it’s also a quiet gesture. So don’t employ it with other more flashy gestures of intimacy. For example, it’s incorrect to wink at people if you’re not wearing pants.
If you learn how to do it right, use the skill with caution. You have a special power over people, and with power comes responsibility. If you’re trying to be prom queen, don’t use it to stuff the ballot box. If you’re a criminal, don’t use it to rob people. If you’re a Republican, don’t use it to become President. And if you’re hanging around me, be nice. I’ll be just as cool and charismatic as you--as soon as I get this lemon out of my eye.
my ex-boss is a big winker but she does it at the weirdest times. often i’d be sitting next to her during a conference call and at random moments she’d look at me, smile and wink. sometimes she’d do this while wearing a shirt that gaped in the front ... though i don’t think that had a thing to do with the other.
i quickly learned to keep my eyes on my paper and take a lot of useless notes.
Sometimes, my Excel spreadsheets are so good that they need to be punctuated with winks.
I wink sometimes, but that’s usually involuntary. Or is that what you call “spasms”?
Damn… that’s what I’ve been doing wrong, I need to wear pants when I wink.
Good to know.
I’ve been working on my wink subtlety since I was 10 years old and sucked at that murder game.
I think your guidelines may help me move from “creepy” to “cool” when winking.
First Peter Sellers and now no-pants jokes. Greg Howard, you’re my hero.
i’ll settle to be as charismatic as you in print. the wink will come later.
It’s particularly effective if you wink one eye slowly after the other and then hiss “my precioussssss.”
The other use of the wink is the “I like you” wink. This is only acceptable when performed by older, Southern women.
My great-aunt Billie is the master of this wink. She employs it excessively every time I see her, but never employs it for my leech-like cousins.
I love this wink.
During a morning meeting a one my internships, a new medical student came in, looked at me like I was a second helping of chicken, said something bland to the room, turned and winked in my direction. I thought he was such a tool, I dated him for the next six months.
I didn’t realize that not wearing pants was a flashy gesture of intimacy.
one of my favorite moments of teaching was when i was doing a 20th-century american lit seminar in france. in the middle of a sentence (full of poignancy and insight and some really long words), one of the students winked at me. it threw me off, but in a really cool way - it was reassuring, somehow. the best thing - it was the quietest student in the group, the one who stammered when doing a presentation, who got red and flustered when she answered a question. i wish i knew what became of her.
It’s not really flashy--it’s more flashing. HAH. Thanks, I’ll be here all week. Well, actually, sadly to say, longer.
Oops, I’m not wearing pants. My bad.
Winking is great when used correctly, just beware of over-winking.
must stop winking at water polo boys while swimming laps (swimsuit=no pants)
must not wink while wearing skirt.
but then, in the above situations i believe winking would be a bit superfluous. ha! ha, ha!
Wink was my favorite softdrink as a kid. Now it’s my favorite body twitch. Coincidence, I think not.
I’m a lefty by the way. The right eye just wont cooperate. It looks like a june bug hit me in the face when I try it.