I told a friend of mine that I wake up every morning to the local KQED and NPR station, because I can’t stand morning DJs. She said, “I’d never get out of bed if I woke up to NPR. It’s too soothing.”
Well, it starts off that way. The low, mellifluous tones of NPR tickles my ear and tugs at my brain. I am not close to waking up. But then, the meaning behind these tones begins to register:
“Hamas and Islamic Jihad are feeling the increased military pressure and have begun working together.”
“The Environmental Protection Agency is easing the regulations on businesses who wish to upgrade their equipment.”
“Charles Taylor’s Revolutionary United Front was known for hacking off the limbs of civilians.”
I’m awake. I’m bolt upright. I’m off to the shower. And I’m carrying a baseball bat with me for protection.
In short, NPR will only fail to wake me up when there’s world peace. And when that happens, who will be listening to the radio anyway? We’ll all be at a humongous block party with dancing, dunk tanks, and face painting. Oh, and we’ll all be naked.
i’m starting to see a pattern here. in the previous post you wanted applicants to be scantily clad. now you want total nakedness. hmm. if you hadn’t thrown in the bit about world peace i’d be seriously troubled.
NPR reminds me of the National Geographic documentaries where the soft, calm voice describes a lion tearing the poor gazelle limb from limb. As Tom Selleck so rightly said in Three Men and a Baby, “It’s not what you’re reading. It’s the tone.” Or something like that.
My favorite part of morning NPR (which I also wake up to) is when they transition into giving the previous night’s sports scores. It just sounds so wrong, and it tickles.
This gives me an image of Tom Selleck and Mara Liason co-commenting on some bizarre hybrid of a political convention, coup, and orgy. The KY Congress. Three Men and a Bomb. I’d wake up, but I would never leave the comfort and safety of my bed.
I’d like to see just what it would take to get NPR’s commentators to freak out, and actually show some emotion. Not necessarily something to rival “Oh, the humanity!” but at the very least something to distinguish their coverage of the holocaust, from their coverage of baseball stats.
dude! party at greg’s house. i’ll bring the keg.
im there! just promise me that nudity is optional.
see, i love npr too, but i agree with your friend. as a result, npr gets relegated into the car, where as i’m a strictly buzzer alarm person, since i too can’t stand the morning djs.
the time my car radio was broken, i felt so dumb it was kind of disconcerting.
see, i always hit SNOOZE until the news on NPR isn’t depressing. I can’t stand to get up to hear about people killing one another. thank god it’s pledge drive season: that’s not nearly as depressing.
when i lived abroad for a couple years, the only radio station i could get was the bbc. there’s nothing like getting up to cricket scores followed by every mishap/tragedy in the world - in 10 minute bursts. of course, the rest of the hour was about football (soccer).
hmm..Greg naked.....
Ugh. Just don’t ever try to wake from your peaceful slumber when those spots that focus on literary greats comes on.
The reporter for those pieces is like Human Benedryl. His voice is so soothing and smooth they should play it in every hospital nursery in the country. Zzzzz....
How exciting! I can’t wait for world peace!
Can there be clowns at world peace?
Oooh, I can’t wait for your party. I’ll be ready to rip the clothes off Corey Flintoft. I think his voice is soo sexy.
I miss waking up to NPR. CBC just isn’t the same.
Actually, I was in my car on the way to work when the palnes hit the WTC Towers… you can bet the NPR folks were showing some emotion then!
Face painting and dunk tanks are all well and good, but where are the concubines?
Patricia, exactly! Except I was going to say David Attenburrough (sp?)