My friend who works at Lucasfilm slipped me an advance copy of the Revenge of the Sith DVD. It contains a series of deleted scenes. I thought I’d transcribe them here for my fellow film geeks.
SCENE: Anakin and Padme at home.
ANAKIN: You look so beautiful.
PADME: That’s because I’m in love with you.
ANAKIN: No, it’s because I’m in love with you.
PADME: No, it’s because I’m in love with you.
ANAKIN: No, no, I’m in love with you.
PADME: No no no--
ANAKIN: Okay look, shut up.
PADME: No no no, you shut--
ANAKIN: I’m serious. Stop or I’ll brain you with a lightsaber.
PADME (bursting into tears): You’re breaking my heart! You’re going on a path that I can’t follow!
ANAKIN: Hold that thought. You’re going to need it a few scenes from now.
----
SCENE: The Emperor is about to kill Mace Windu. Anakin watches impassively.
MACE: Help me, Anakin! You can’t let him kill me!
ANAKIN: Why the hell not?
MACE: Because I’m almost the last black person in this entire galaxy! After I’m gone, the only one left will be my nephew, Lando Calrissian!
ANAKIN: Oh really? I’ll have to settle up with him later.
MACE: Whoops. Guess I should have kept my mouth shut.
ANAKIN: You really should have. We’re the dark side of the Force, but not the dark side of the force--you get me, Jules?
---
SCENE: Bail Organa barks out orders.
ORGANA: Wipe the memories of the droids, so they forget the secret of Luke and Leia.
(pause)
And wipe the memory of Kenobi, so he’ll forget that Leia is the “other” in Episode V.
(pause)
And wipe the memory of Anakin, so he’ll forget he has a daughter and won’t sense Leia’s identity when she’s standing right in front of him in Episode IV.
(pause)
And wipe the memory of Leia, so she’ll have some bizarre memory of her mother in Episode VI that she couldn’t have.
(pause)
And--
YODA (interrupting): Shut up, you will.
---
SCENE: Darth Vader takes his first unsteady steps in full armor.
VADER: What of Padme?
EMPEROR: Eh, she’s dead and so is the baby.
VADER: NOOOOOOOOO!
EMPEROR: Also, you can only eat through a straw in that get up.
VADER: NOOOOOOOO!
EMPEROR: Also, the air conditioning unit is broken, and the parts are on backorder.
VADER: NOOOOOOO!
EMPEROR: Look, do you think you can stop doing that? The whole emotional outburst thing doesn’t really fit the grim and malevolent image that you need to project.
VADER: Yeah, it doesn’t really feel right. I think I’ll never do it again.
EMPEROR: Excellent.
VADER: “This...is CNN.”
EMPEROR: Don’t do that either.
How is it that you don’t have your own tv show??
That first scene makes me want to cry out in terror all over again. Oh god. The pain.
The dialogue in Revenge of the Sith is equivalent to a conversation between Joey from Friends and President Bush.
I read this at work (my mistake). My boss was like “What’s so funny?” “What’s so funny dammit?” Uh, yeah, those interdepartmental memos really crack me up.
Thre was no warning that it’d be a spoiler if I read this. Now I won’t be able to enjoy the movie, if and when I ever get around to seeing it.
Thanks a lot, Greg. Fer nuthin’.
I think I pee’d a little…
That was super funny, Greg, and it ruled.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Where do you come up w/ this sh*t? awesome.
As Bubba would say, “You funny.”
“shut up, you will” is the best yoda take-off ever.
yes, E-VAH.
I read your headline as “Twisted Shitter” so I was expecting quite a different post.
Great stuff! loved the first one!
If you like this site, you’ll love the LOG BLOG!!!
Ah Greg, funny this be.
Awesome. I HAVE to see that!!
ugh. greg. you are too damned funny.
LMAO!
Nice!
Now, I’m of the opinion that anybody who needs a spoiler alert on Sith just hasn’t been paying proper attention to the arc of the series. However, between you and this post: http://www.livejournal.com/users/mistful/68456.html
I’m pretty sure that the actual movie is going to be a huge disappointment for me because it’s probably just not going to be as funny.
Saves me a few bucks, so I’m cool.
Geez, Holley, I was kidding about it being a spoiler. Perhaps that wasn’t clear. You’d have to be living in a cave not to know about it all, which I don’t. Live in a cave that is.
Hell, I haven’t even seen the one before this one.
dude, way to geek out!
Brilliant. Incidentally, I blogged about the infamous “No Scream” as well, speculating on the ridiculous conversation between James Earl Jones and his agent that must have preceded it.
PS: Who knew Darth had no legs??
your dialogue is definitely a step up. i vote for you to write the prequel to the prequel.
OMG! Between you and my husband you both made the movie for me! And here all along I thought the new Star Wars movie was a drama.......
Thank you!
Have a great one!
This was your greatest post, EVER!
Those deleted scenes were far more entertaining than what was shown in the theatre. Thank God for the “extended edition” via blog.
ha! i haven’t seen it yet either, but i feel this will just make me appreciate it more. the dark side indeed.
It’s such a powerful “noooo” though. I now cry it out at every oppourtunity...NOOOOOO.
and what everyone else said too.
and everyone has seen this right? did I see it on this site first? Too many blogs to remember...http://darthside.blogspot.com
Hello. Love your site. Just so you know how weird Lucas was with the memory wipes, only C-3PO gets his erased. Organa just says to clean them up and wipe the protocol droid and R2 does a little Nelson-like Ha ha! beep - so apparently, R2’s so motivated to find Obi Wan and so attached to Luke because he remembers everything… (yeah, that makes sense)
lol dirty dan
Yeah, thanks for pointing out the holes in the plot. The only one I came up with was Leia’s bizarre memory of her real mother in Empire Strikes Back.
You are brilliant.
i bow to the wit of The Greg. And it’s a deep bow, both knees on the pavement, nose practically touching the ground too.
OMG - I haven’t seen the film yet (am going with cousins tomorrow night), but was laughing out loud reading your scenes.
I agree with teablossom - you are brilliant!