I bought a new rain jacket at REI, and I resisted the urge to tell the salesperson “It’s for my trip to Ireland next week!” Because that won’t impress someone who works at REI. They won’t be impressed unless you’re planning a swan dive off Mount Everest wearing nothing but Speedy Gonzalez boxers. It’s like telling a sex therapist that you and the missus have abandoned missionary and started spelunking. Although ironically, an REI salesperson might actually be excited that you’ve started spelunking. “That’s great! I go spelunking whenever I can. What are your favorite caves?”
I passed a storefront that said “CLEANING AND ALTERATIONS,” but I only half-saw the sign and I thought it said “CLOTHING AND ALLITERATION.” Which would be the best store ever. “Salutations! I seek a starched shirt.” “Sure, sir. Surely we can supply you with a superb shirt to your specifications.” “Sweet!”
I saw the indie flick Half Nelson and enjoyed it, but I have two significant issues that will cause me to seek out the creators of the movie and destroy them all. First: star Ryan Gosling has taken Rachel McAdams off the market, and so he shall suffer imminent destruction at my hands. Second: An important theme of the movie hinges around the “Interrupting Cow” joke.* I love the Interrupting Cow joke. And although many people have heard it, I’ve still encountered many both young and old who haven’t yet experienced its harmless antics and quality comedy. But now that it’s in the movie, it’s lost to me forever. Everyone will hear it. Damn you Half Nelson. And also, get your dirty hands off Rachel.
*What, you haven’t heard it? Okay, imagine the following exchange:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting cow.
- Interrupting cow w--
- MOOOOO.
(It’s funnier when spoken aloud.)**
**I refuse to let Meredith pipe in with the Interrupting Starfish joke in the comments, so here that one is too:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting starfish.
- Interrupting starfish w--
(Put big starfish-like fingers on person’s face.)
Hilarity ensues!
Posted by Greg at 07:50 PM.
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i bet i’m not the only one here who looked up ‘spelunking’ on urban dictionary expecting to find a clever euphemism for anal sex.
am i right, or am i right?
/crickets
well, a cave is a big, black hole, isn’t it?
/crickets leave
Good grief. Greg will gulp Guiness in his great Gore-tex gear. Martina may manage to gulp Guiness also.
Tonight! Tonight! I am going to tell those jokes, and I am going to be Mr. Popular, and I am going to get spelunked soooo bad. THANK YOU GREG.
That would be the best store ever. I love alliteration but am not as clever as your father to come up with something at the top of my head. As I have warned my co-workers, it is a 4 can Mountain Dew day meaning that I am tired and inclined to be snappish.
I am aware of the interrupting cow joke but have never ever heard of the interrupting star fish and that made me laugh out loud, frightening my co-workers and sending them scurrying away. Silly, silly co-workers
spelunking and starfish all in one post.
I am shocked.
shocked I tell you.
and I’ve always been partial to this one:
Person 1: Oh I’ve got a great new knock knock joke! Wanna hear it?
Person 2: oh really? Sure!
Person 1: okay, you start.
Person 2: Knock knock
Person 1: Who’s there?
Person 2: ... silence.....
HAHAHAHahahahabhwahhah
I also resent Greg, that your spamblocker word thing is telling me to vote yes on 71.
the second good thing about having your gortex gear on your ireland trip is that you’ll be safe from any guiness spills in the pub soaking through your clothing!
I had heard the Interrupting Cow joke, but it’s been YEARS and I had totally forgotten it. Now I’m going to impress my 13-y-o with how funny I am.
Hahahaha, pretty funny.
I’ve been offline for a few weeks dealing with my parents’ visit, and I’m just now catching up on everyone’s posts. Thanks for the laugh!
I just used the interrupting cow joke a few days ago in somebody’s comments. I credited it to fourth graders everywhere.
PS
Have a great time in Ireland. Wish I could go.
yay to ireland !
and even more yay to alliteration - touché to papa goose - and even MORE more yay to the interrupting cow !
thanks for a fun post and have a great time, greg.
(and meredith, i have yes on 18)
don’t worry greg, the interrupting cow joke never gets old. ever. but here, i just thought of a new one for you:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting knock-knock joke.
- Interrupting knock-knock joke w--
- Knock knock.
and so on.
We have a similar version in the Rhea household. But we start with two interrupting animals jokes then tell the interrupting cow one third. However, the cow does not “mooo”, he chews his cud silently. The starfish one, though, really funny.
How about this one:
me: Knock Knock
you: Who’s there?
me: Zhee Geshtapo
you: Zhee Geshta…
Me (interrupting): I VILL ASK ZEE QVESTIONS!
Very funny while, toeing the line of decency. Makes a better joke, I think.
Wait, the cow chews his cud silently? I don’t get it. Is the joke that you expect the cow to perform his duty but doesn’t? Is this a satire of government employees, or something?
Once you tell someone the Interrupting Cow joke, you can sit down on his or her lap and begin to tell the Interrupting Incontinent Woman joke. (Well, you would need to modify it to the Interrupting Incontinent Man joke, I suppose.) Always a big hit.
I always like to follow up the interupting cow, with this joke, writen by a friend of mine in college. (Well, perhaps “writen” is a bit strong, but he gets full credit for it.)
Me:knock-knock
Dupe:who’s there?
Me:the interupting chicken
Dupe:the inturupting
Me:MOO!
Damn cow
Hilarity ensues. Or at least I laugh for the next 20 minutes while the dupe stares at me wondering why they ever spoke to me.
knock knock
whose there
jesus
jesus who
how many do you know?????
I am really hoping that store is the one on haight and central, on my block! because every time I pass it, and I’ve passed it almost every day for ten years now, I have to fight the urge to graffiti it up so it really does say Alliterations. One day I will do it. So I’m not leaving my URL in this post. Hah!
me:KNOCK KNOCK
IDK:WHOS THERE
ME:HUNGRY CAT
IDK:HUNGRY CAT WH---
ME:MMMMMMEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW
(DO THAT REALLY LOUD
KNOCK KNOCK
WHOS THERE
IMOATIONT CHICKEN
IMPATIONT CHI--
BBBBRRRROCCCKKKKKK(SOUND LIKE A REALLY LOUD CHICKEN)