Jerk-a-lator by Shari Elf is likely to be a CD mix mainstay for some time to come.

When a girl delightedly shows you a brand-new diamond ring on her finger, she’s not actually offering you the diamond ring to keep.  Apparently, it signifies some sort of major life event.  I forget exactly what.

Endings are everything.  However, I regretfully report that the first 2/3 of the new Harry Potter book suggests that it is to its predecessors what Phantom Menace is to the Star Wars trilogy.

A focus group of five guys drinking Sierra Nevada reveals that 100% of men prefer Mary Ann to Ginger.  Mary Ann gives you girl-next-door appeal, but her undefined and somewhat twisted relationship with the Professor indicates that she’s also a wildcat.  Ergo: you get it all.

If gamma rays ever transform you into a rampaging monster, be sure to wear purple pants.  They appear to miraculously change and grow with you, allowing you to share your bestial rage with the world while still covering up your green tackle.