One of the reasons I chose pMachine for my new blogging software--as opposed to, say, Movable Type--is the ability to “future date” my posts. This means that I can write a post and have it appear on my site whenever I want.
For example, take this post. Judging from the time stamp, it appears to have been written in the late afternoon. Not so. I wrote it at about 6 a.m. But I didn’t want it to appear until 5 o’clock, because shortly after 5 I should be deplaning in Texas so I can attend a conference. I wanted to write about the day when I hadn’t experienced yet, and post it automatically when I had, in fact, experienced it.
So what was my future-past-day like?
Around 7:00 a.m. I clutched a tall mug of coffee, walked about six blocks from my apartment to a nearby garage, and voted in the California governor recall election. As I looked at the ballot--which not only contained over 100 candidates, but also two truly inane propositions--tears streamed down my face. A little old lady smiled at me, touched my arm, and said “Aren’t you glad to live in a democracy where you can exercise your right to vote and help affect the future of this great state of ours?” I wiped my eyes, turned to her tenderly, and dumped my coffee over her head.
On the plane, babies screamed from all directions. It was Hell’s version of stereo 5.1 sound. Faced with this situation, I did what I always do: loudly read select passages from Jonathan Swift’s 1729 essay, A Modest Proposal:
“A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter . . . Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.”
I smiled in contentment as the gasps of adults begin to overtake the sound of mewling infants, and babies were quickly shushed.
I read most of Max Barry’s Jennifer Government.
I ignored the person next to me loudly prattling about garden perennials for as long as I could. Eventually, it was necessary to drop a stronger hint by wearing my Walkman and singing along to the Donnas: “You thought you’d leave me broken hearted/Well, you might have if you weren’t SO RETARDED.”
In preparation for seeing a Mavericks game that evening, courtesy of a colleague who works in the Texas office, I read the sports pages so I could find out what kind of sport these so-called Mavericks play. Initial hypothesis, based on name of team: some kind of game involving unbranded range animals.
I left the plane, stepped on Texas soil for the first time in my life, and was promptly attacked by a herd of bison.
That’s what my day was like. How was yours?
Posted by Greg at 01:00 PM.
Filed under:
Permalink
Some useful conversation tips for the flight home -
“You know, they only give you the oxygen masks to make you delirious, so you won’t panic when the plane crashes.”
“As if the brace position is going to make a difference when we plough into a mountain at 500 kph!”
Also, you have to read Max(x) Barry’s first novel Syrup It’s very funny.
Hey- Texas welcomes you!!! And don’t worry- the bison don’t like airplanes.
Hope you enjoy Dallas and Go Mavs!!
now you have to read Barry’s SYRUP. It’s about… *GASP* MARKETING.
oh go on. tell the truth now. conference my butt. you really left because you knew the terminator was gonna win and you wanted to flee the madness. not sure if i agree with your choice of state, but hey, it’s a free country no?
My day: much like yours. Breezy stroll to firehouse polling place, where abundant emergency equipment foretold impending disaster; bus ride featuring skate punks with surgically sharpened elbows and old old women specially trained in the art of halitosis; 8 hours at a desk making people feel uncomfortable and inadequate; a short dinner meeting with literacy tutors like myself who made me feel like getting out of bed 13 hours previously wasn’t necessarily a grievous mistake; and then freedom from addiction - I don’t care about Loreli or her goofball kid anymore. I just don’t. And you like basketball. Don’t deny it. They gotcha. Bring me back some Longhorn beer and an envelope of manure from Crawford, arite pardner?
You get to see Dirk Nowitzki in person, you lucky fellow. Although you’d enjoy it more if you were female type. Or is he still with the team?
Ummm, you know you can post-date in MT too, right?
Oh, if you have the time, stop by Austin. We can grab a beer from a hobo and bake beer bread.
How was jennifer government? I think I bought a copy of it and it’s somewhere in my house (among the forty boxes worth of crap I have and don’t use).
Gopi, post-dating works differently in pMachine than MT. MT just allows you to change the time and date of an entry, but it shows up immediately on your page. pMachine, however, in all its badself goodness, waits for the time and date specified to post the entry.
wow...I just got back from a few days in Florida....I wasn’t gone that long and yet here we are with another idiot actor in the Gov Mansion...I like the new site.
give mark cuban a high-five for me.
My day hasn’t been too bad, though it would be a hell of a lot better if i was in Texas like you, instead of Ohio like me. Have a great time in Texas.
Let’s see what I remember about Texas in October. The temperature should be a chilly 85 or so and humid as all get out (if you’re in Austin or Houston) or dry as all get out (if you’re in San Antonio). Please don’t become one of those people who display bumperstickers that say “I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could.”
Huh. Ours say: Welcome to Washington. Now go home.
I just spent the day shaking my head and tsking.
you should stay there until i move there in december.
we’ll hang out.
Lyle Lovett wants you too.
No, really, that’s what he told me.
I didn’t like Jennifer Government too much. Great concept and some good stuff along the way, but overall too much pointless action like a bad screenplay. Everything it was trying to do, Snow Crash did much better.
But it had a lot of promise, so I’ll read Syrup on the offchance that it’s better.
kudos for the lyle reference alone.