I felt the icy touch of own mortality today as I donned the long, black jacket that was a gift from my brother. He had said, “You can wear this jacket over a suit.” Which at the time I thought, sure, okay, cool.
But today I had to wear a sportcoat because it was time for my company’s monthly networking event. I was able to drape my new jacket over the rest of the outfit, and I thought, This is a very mature jacket. By wearing this jacket over formal attire, one ends up being very presentable. One no longer has to cram one’s suit underneath a tight leather jacket, as though one is packing a parachute.
Or, you know, one might even make a worse impression than that.
“Hi, I’m Greg. Thanks for coming to our monthly networking event.”
“Uh, sure. What the hell do you have stashed underneath your leather jacket there? Is your sportcoat all bunched up?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m, uh, packing away food and nutrients in case the presentation runs a little long. It operates on the same principle as a camel’s hump.”
So it’s a smart move, this jacket. But it’s so...adult.
And then it hit me:
I’ve gotten to the point where I wear serious jackets.
I’m going to die soon.
Youth is melting away from my face like the Nazis’ heads at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Wearing this coat is like wearing a shroud. A shroud of doom.
I should just paint a skull and crossbones on the back of it.
But then I stopped a moment. And collected my thoughts. And I realized:
It’s also possible that if I were walk down the street playing the flute, children would swarm out after me. I don’t know for sure, but I have a good feeling about it.
So maybe I have a few last embers of youth after all. And besides, the coat is cool.
you’re cute.
First you lure me in with your clever wit and I’m completely addicted to reading your blog every day… NOW you let the world see how cute you are? Why aren’t there any guys like you where I live?! Jeez.
Awww!
This is like when Sarah B. showed her picture for the first time.
That is a serious coat, by the way…
Now I’m ready to go 5’8”.
er...thor, right? the marvel hero? merciful heavens, please say i haven’t just lost my fragile geek status…
I’ve viewed your photo, & rest assured: you are a baby, a child, l’enfant, a veritable youngster.
Take it from a seriously old lady.
V.
You have a truly sexy smile. And you’re definitely eons away from death. Death by old age, anyway.
No, that’s an awesome coat! My gramma has one just like it.
How is it possible that you are single? It’s a world gone mad, I tell you! Wait—are you an asshole? Do you harbor some sort of crazy Seinfeldian particularities? Go on, you can tell us, we’re all complete strangers here.
Remember that British show The Examiner? (I think that’s what it was called.) You look like a younger version of that guy. Very cool.
But am I missing something? What’s wrong with your collar?
I’m with Gimmy here...what’s wrong with the collar sitch?
?? collar issues ?? i can see none.
oh and by the way you are now my wallpaper on my computer. hehehe.
thanks super cool coat wearin’ still young and with-it guy!
Hey, wait a minute there.... I thought funny guys are supposed to be ugly! You’re… um, er… kinda cute (blushes). You’re screwing with the laws of physics or something!
The inside collar should be pulled to ride the outside of the coat.
Damn. I always thought you were pretty adorable, but that’s a right sexy picture.
yep, i’m gonna go ahead and second beth there. thanks for posting that.
Yeah, yeah, I already knew you were cute. What strikes me more is the idea that you stood in your office, thrust a camera into some unsuspecting co-worker’s hands and said “No really, it’s not for one of those internet dating sites, I swear.”
when i have a picture of myself i think is cute, i just post it with the caption, “DAMN ISN’T THIS HOT” and i don’t get as many compliments as you do.
i wonder where i’m going wrong…
shiv: congrats, you’re a geek. cw: it’s retro. Tallulah: I only date girls named “Lois Lane.” wlfldy (if that is your real name): exactly. kate: I’d be more sympathetic if you weren’t young and hot, so shut it.
um, all of that evidenceof youth that you posted in bullet points just makes me think you were never young to begin with. You were always ancient.
Greg, I’m pretty sure that knowing about Marvel comics and Raiders of the Lost Ark (which came out in 1981 - the same year Brittney Spears was BORN) just makes you o-l-d-e-r. Not to burst your bubble, but if you could focus more on post-Reagan administration pop culture, you’ll seem younger. Or like a crazy old man who can’t let go.
By the way, I am waiting for a “Greg is so cute - why is he single?” post from your Dad.
aw shucks.
you’re a good man, howard.
Looking like that, the swarms of children you are hoping for will probably be trampled to death by the swarms of women...but do let us know when you intend pulling this stunt, it may be worth the plane ticket and the whole fingerprinting thing…
Once again, Doctor Howard, what was briefly yours is now mine. What a fitting end to your life’s pursuits--you’re about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, maybe even you may be worth something.
P.S. Min bought me a coat, just like that one, except around the edges, which are rougher.
P.P.S. Get back to Cairo. Get me some transport to England. Boat, plane, anything. Meet me at Omar’s. Be ready for me. I’m going after that truck.
cube farmer!
I think everyone’s about covered it all.
weirdest part was - I saw the hanging file folder dealie-bob in the back and though “oh my god! he works on the next aisle!” But alas, no… no Greg Howards here :( Disappointing, to be sure…
anyway, I can match your geekiness and raise you one Dork Factor (Thor was an easy one) : my name has actually been printed in a comic book. Look it up - Spawn #104 - last page. Carved into the tree
THAT is dorkishness!!
Okay, I’ll bite. How did you manage to get Todd McFarlane in the sack?
I was all ready to bust in here with my “Thor” and my ROTLA joke, but then I realized every one else beat me to it because they read this when it was posted. I should wake up earlier.
So, I had to come back today and get another dose of that picture. I’m amazed by your single status. That mind AND that face.