Faced with a growing political crisis over the catastrophe in New Orleans, as well as the need to confirm John Roberts as the next Supreme Court Justice, George Bush has made the unprecedented suggestion that the late William Rehnquist continue in his current position.
“Frankly, I’m completely maxed out,” Bush told reporters earlier today. “I’ve got all this stuff to deal with. And now I have to push another nominee through the confirmation process? Forget it. Let’s just keep Rehnquist.”
Bush explained, “My supporters expect me to put in a Justice with a conservative ideology--just like Rehnquist. So why not keep the original around?”
Surprisingly, democratic leaders were open to the suggestion.
“The President will just nominate another Rehnquist clone anyway,” said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid. “We might as well keep the original. Saves time for everyone. Better the devil you know, y’know?”
Bush did appear confused, however, when asked if he was ready for an onslaught of inevitable Weekend at Bernie’s jokes. “Who is Bernie? Everyone knows I vacation at Camp David,” he snapped. “And yes, I’ve heard all the jokes. But the fact of the matter is, being President is tough. I need a lot of vacation so I can clear brush and fish. When other people try being President for a while, then they can complain.”
It was thought that the President’s plan wouldn’t work, since being Supreme Court Justice is only supposed to be a lifetime appointment. However, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters that this had already been dealt with.
“An earlier version of the Patriot Act removed the ‘lifetime appointment’ language. It’s now completely legal for Justice Rehnquist to continue on the court long into death. It’s just one of those little changes we made that no one really notices until it actually comes up.”
Oh lord. I’m thinking this is supposed to sound implausible… but… it doesn’t....
You’ve got your finger on the political pulse, Greg. Er, or lack thereof.
The only logical solution - and too believable. Oh boy.
Do we still have to pay him?
If you read some of Rehnquist’s Court opinions, it’s obvious he was brain-dead for some time, anyway. On the other hand, the Kelo v New London majority are all brain dead, and nobody seems to notice or care.
Do you own your home? No, you rent it from your local city council.
With all the debate on when life begins, why not start the debate on when life ends? Surely Rehnquist has more higher brain function still than Pat Robertson.
hmmm.
funny, i hadn’t read this when i wrote you my last email. nice snarky news spoof, monsieur howard.
Where’s William O. Douglas when you need him?
I wonder if his views on “right to life” would change.
So instead of a “conservative clone” you’re suggesting they’ll appoint a dead ringer?
At this point, Used Hack, I understand it’s probably a dead issue for him.
They did it with Reagan’s second term, so why not.
I am strongly reminded of Professor Binns, the history teacher in Harry Potter.
Loved loved loved this post. You funny.