It’s the little things that get to me. The tiny details that remind me that the world isn’t the way I would have it, were it in my power to shape the cosmos to conform to the most subtle nuance of my will.
For example, I had pepperoni pizza today. I love pepperoni pizza. Why can I only have pepperoni on pizza?
It’s possible to order chicken in a restaurant, and it’s possible to have a chicken topping on pizza. But it’s not possible to order pepperoni in a restaurant.
I’d like to go to a fancy restaurant, order a nice bottle of red wine, and have a humongous slab of medium-rare pepperoni. It would come in a large plate and sit in a crimson pool of its own grease. You’d eat the pepperoni and then slurp down the grease like it was a soup of the day.
The world is full of self-proclaimed “sophisticates” and “arbiters of good taste” and gourmands, and I’ve never even heard anyone discuss this idea. I’m embarrassed for them all.
I heartily suggest you take this up with the arbiters of good taste, and please be sure to include the phrase slurp down the grease like it was a soup of the day when you do.
you live in the wrong country, amico mio. you can get pepperoni in a restaurant (on a plate, yes, and in a pool of its own soupy grease) in spain, or italy, or france for that matter. you have to order chorizo, but hey, the word is just syllables. it’s the slab of salami that counts.
hmmm, I would comment on this one but everyone would say “yeah, she would say that. she’s fat”.
oh. I think I just threw up in my mouth.
Better yet, you go eat with my kid, order a pizza together. When she picks off all the pepperoni and says “here have your murdered dead animal flesh” you would have exaclty what you want. A plate of pepperoni. Order an extra bottle of wine though, you’ll need it. Further conversation will consist of all the ways you are stupid. You are legally not allowed to hit remember, people are watching.
Grease soup. I don’t feel so good.
If you go to a place with a salad bar, there is usually a plastic container filled with pepperoni slices. Though I do understand that places with salad bars tend to not be considered “fine dining"…
Maybe they serve platters of greasy pepperoni at Baywolf?
I once got a stick of pepperoni and ate as much as I could stomach, before the gods of fine dining staged the “valkyries” scene from Apocolypse Now in my duodenum. one can have too much of a good thing.
BUT: if you want the best damn salamisausages known to man, visit Oliveto by the Rockridge Bart station. Paul Bertolli hand-cures his own salamis, of various sorts - you’ll never go back to those weird orange disks they put on pizzas!
I’m gonna predict that Baywolf does not have Pepperoni a la carte. If you ask the tatooed girls at Cato’s real nice they might talk the guys in back into serving it up solo though.
Oh, and J’s...totally J’s.
Wait, where is J’s?
that’s it.
i’m opening a restaurant where you can order giant blocks of cheese—just cheese-- and pepperoni ala nothing and grease soup. apparently there’s a niche begging to be filled.
so is the name of the blog changing to “Grease Aplenty” now?
I want to take this opportunity to say:
WAY TO GO, GIRL to Betsy!
Pepperoni murderer…
I would like to expand upon Snowy’s idea (meaning steal) and start of chain of restaurants that serve only pizza toppings. In a circular pan, sans crust, you would get a glob of melted parmesian cheese and for $1.99 for each additional topping, I’m throwin on a handful of green peppers and whatnot.
Just reading that made my arteries weep.
“ . . . fuck the cup, just pour it in my hands . . .”
What movie was that?
The key thing, however, is the perfect crispy brown edging a nice slice of pepperoni gets while sitting on top of the pizza in the oven. So to do it right, one should create the “cheeseless, sauceless, crustless pepperoni pizza.”
I get ten percent of all profits on the idea and I get to be Greg’s beneficiary on his life insurance policy.
I would think that you should slice it all really thin and bake it in a tray like a gratin.
OK, come over, we are doing that.
Rachel Ray...watch out!
Fancy restaurants never serve anything humongous, whatever it is. If you were to get pepperoni at a fancy restaurant, you’d get two slices and a piece of fucking parsley. It’d also cost you $18.95.
Ok. so it seems like I’ve already got some partners for my restaurant adventure. Now… who wants to be the venture capitalist of this crew?
actually, there is a restaurant here in town that serves pepperoni as an appetizer. Apparently it comes in a big puddle of grease.
http://www.trapandgill.com/main_menu.htm
first item on the menu!
Yet another reason to move to Canada.
Yeah in the South you can totally get that. Why do you think we are all lard-asses down here? Don’t they sell cheese and sausage plates where you are? Rag bologna? Could have any more question marks in one comment?
You should definitely look into a pack of Hormel Turkey Pepperoni if you want pepperoni just for snacking. It’s brilliant...there’s practically no grease whatsoever, but loads of that wonderful, spicy pepperoni flavor. Therefore you can munch it directly out of the little ziplock bag it comes in, if you are so inclined, without getting that nasty greasy, waxy, porky coating on your tongue.