Ode to Stephanie Herseth.

I thought I was watching the Democratic National Convention to kill time and enjoy the glitz. I didn’t expect to fall in love.

Everyone else is talking about that Barack Obama creep, or that guy who shagged his intern.  I don’t care about them.  They’re lame.

How can I describe the first moment when I saw Stephanie Herseth, 34-year old senator from South Dakota?  CNN calls you a rising young star.  I call you: The Future Mrs. Aplenty.

Stephanie Herseth

Together we can share so much:

  • I’ll tell you all my Republican dirty jokes, the most famous one ending with the smash hit punch line “I’ve heard of pork barrel spending, but this is ridiculous!”
  • You can sit on my lap and tell me how a bill becomes a law.
  • I’ll reassure you that you’re still a talented politician even if you won your current seat because its Republican occupant was convicted of manslaughter following a traffic accident.
  • We’ll commiserate that we both have dorky last names that start with “H.”
  • We’ll invite Michael Moore over for dinner and not feed him.

    Let us pretend we understand the issue of corporate welfare together.  Let us write legislation that quotes Elvis Costello together.  Let us tax and spend together.

    Don’t remind me that “unrequited” rhymes with blighted, short sighted, go fly a kite-ed, just for spite-ed, and disinvited.  Rather, show me how “big ass government spending” rhymes with “totally happy ending.”

    Posted by Greg at 02:15 AM. Filed under:

    Permalink

    Next entry: Tail end. Previous entry: Killing time on the way to Tahoe.

    Hate to brake it to you hon, but she’s dating Max Sandlin, a much older Rep from Texas.  But if you’re serious, I can arrange a meeting! 

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  03:35 AM

    Julia Styles with power.  Go for it.

    Posted by Theresa  on  07/29  at  04:23 AM

    I’m sure she’s flattered by the promotion to senator, too.

    Posted by Geoff  on  07/29  at  04:49 AM

    And a stalker is born.

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  04:51 AM

    bendy: Go ahead and do that--she’ll forget all about that boring wealth and power thing once she meets me. Geoff: it’s good to elevate them above their station; it flatters their ego. You can learn a lot from me, son.

    Posted by Greg  on  07/29  at  05:29 AM

    I sent her a link, and you should see her convention notebook now. It has “Stephanie Aplenty” scribbled all over the margins now.

    Posted by Gopi  on  07/29  at  05:59 AM

    i would let her touch my vil-sack.

    Posted by bryan  on  07/29  at  06:34 AM

    yeah, yeah, i’ve been hearing my dad wax poetic about stephanie herseth for a year now....i would have thought capri cafaro would have been more your style: http://www.capri2004.com/main.cfm

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  06:43 AM

    She’s cute and all, but she supports a constitutional ammendment to ban gay marriage, and that issue just seems a bit trivial these days.  Surely South Dakota has more pressing problems.

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  07:02 AM

    Frank, that IS stupid, biogoted, pointless, and misguided.  But I can change her with love.

    As for Capri: Hello, what kind of name is that for a person? Does she moonlight as a refreshing fruit drink?

    Also, I note that Ms. Barbie Doll has a very thin “On the Issues” section, although she does discuss “Supporting Our Veterans.” Wow, that’s taking on some heavy duty controversy. What else does she make a stand on, kicking puppy dogs?

    No Capri for me!

    Posted by Greg  on  07/29  at  07:05 AM

    How come CNN doesn’t have a link to get email updates about her?

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  07:08 AM

    greg, you really ought to be in politics.  you have an eerie affinity for the political slogan.

    and in capri’s defense, she wants to repeal NAFTA. is that not a substantive position? granted, she comes from the lone state harboring nostalgic notions about the glory days of U.S. manufacturing.....

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  07:21 AM

    Yours is a passion that transcends platform positions. Love aplenty, with dreams as vast and sacred as South Dakota herself. Go get her Tiger! 

    Posted by Dirty Dan Sin  on  07/29  at  08:16 AM

    So flattered…

    Posted by  on  07/29  at  08:29 AM

    That was surprisingly sweet.

    Posted by jennn  on  07/29  at  09:16 AM

    Wow, you’re one sick puppy.

    Posted by Almost Lucid (Brad)  on  07/29  at  09:46 AM

    Too plain for my taste.

    Posted by Tom  on  07/29  at  09:58 AM

    wow, i know what you mean. it was the same thing when i first saw Dean. go get her.

    Posted by dragon  on  07/29  at  11:03 AM

    hey! i have not vacated my death-grip on being the future mrs aplenty yet!
    harumph.

    Posted by snowy  on  07/29  at  11:05 AM

    snowy for president, mr. aplenty for vice.

    president.

    Posted by jenB  on  07/29  at  12:15 PM

    Greg, do you think Stephanie could hook me up with this other “young” democrat?

    http://www.sullivanforcongress.com/

    Bryan, that was, well, vile.

    Posted by Dani  on  07/29  at  02:10 PM

    While I have been more or less completely ignoring the Democratic National Convention, I do support your interest in Rep. Herseth, who does seem fairly cute and smart, with one small caveat: HER TEETH ARE THE SIZE OF MT. RUSHMORE.

    Posted by J.  on  07/29  at  05:56 PM

    Gee, for some reason former child star Missy Gold comes to mind.

    Posted by Wendy  on  07/29  at  07:39 PM

    i realize this is slightly off-topic, but ... i wanna hear the dirty republican joke!

    Posted by romy  on  07/29  at  11:12 PM

    The dirty Republican joke is: The Republican Party traditionally stands for: less taxation, less spending, smaller government, no foreign wars!

    Posted by Papa Goose  on  07/30  at  05:10 AM

    I’m with Jennn—that was surprisingly sweet!

    Posted by Reecie  on  07/30  at  05:26 AM

    Oh.  Mah.  Gah.  Did she really post a comment?  Oh Greg, congratulations.  She can’t help but love you once she gets to know you (but keep her away from your dad--he’s mighty compelling).

    Posted by Casey  on  07/30  at  06:40 AM

    as a couple, you should first draft an anti stalking resolution, borrowing heavily from costello’s “i want you.”

    Posted by mona  on  07/30  at  08:12 AM

    Matt Gonzalez and I have been up all night discussing the ramifications of Costello-based lagislation, and we have a concern: we feel that pumping it up should be reserved for when you REALLY, really need it.

    Posted by doppleman  on  07/30  at  10:12 AM

    Sniff...it’s such a beautiful love story. 

    Posted by anna  on  08/03  at  05:01 PM


    • Advanced Search