I dreamed I won “Most Humorous” in the Bloggies! And then the IRS gave me a refund for everything I’ve ever paid them! And then my boss gave me a corner office equipped with a private gym and a gazebo! And then I grew an extra arm and this third arm was a master of kung fu! And then a monkey crawled out of my buttocks and invented cold fusion and fed the world’s children with ice cream!
Now that I’m awake, though, I’ll just congratulate the winner--what?s-her-name with the baby and the caps lock--and also fellow losers the Yeti, the ‘Zilla, and those Fug girls.
From now on I’ll only enter blog contests I can win. Like “Most Likely to Gratuitously Mention Alexis Bledel at the end of a Stupid Post Like This One.”
So very sad. So very wrong. Just ‘cause being “goosed aplenty” isn’t a verb in some dictionary somewhere… Still I found you through the bloggies, so that’s award enough! More importantly, however, why a gazebo?
congratulations on being nominated anyway, monsieur howard. it was a tough race.
goosed aplenty! i like it. (in a verbally creative way, not a weird, masochistic way. you understand.)
you should have won best tag line, best writing, and best asian too.
i like your site better. personally, people who talk about their children all the time annoy me. a lot of people have babies. they all do the same silly/cute/precious/omigawd you gotta see this! kinda things.
Howard, if it was just me voting, you’d have won every award. Actually, no one would have won anything because I’m too lazy to vote for most anything.
I agree with UnderwearNinja. And with “tuesday.” I find your “silly/cute/precious/omigawd you gotta see this!” infantile behaviour far more amusing than that of any real baby.
Too bad, so sad.
When this sort of thing happens I have to take solace in the fact that democracy just doesn’t work. Meantime I’m still waiting for my nomination for “most words used to express fewest ideas,” or maybe “deepest wallowing in self-indulgence.” There’s a prize out there for all of us. Gazebos all around!
http://noyfbfoad.buzznet.com/user/?id=969075
this guy is using your ‘Inviso-Text’ method w/o giving you credit!
Oh yeah, I made that up. Me and all the movie sites on the Net.
i’m boycotting dooce in protest.....
I found this site through the nomination too. So it’s a pretty winning situation. You’re definitely awesome. I am devout dooce follower. I have enough time to read two blogs
i’m gonna have a baby so i can win a blog award too.
i would try just being smart and funny but getting knocked up seems way more likely.
Greg, you’re the funniest person on this site. Why can’t you just be happy with that?
hi, greg. i’m a two-time loser, fortieth-time commenter and i just want to say that, in my opinion, your dad is actually the funniest person on this site. i don’t care what cw says.
so, hopefully that makes you feel better.
wait...in rereading this comment, i think it went awry somewhere. oh well, what can you expect from the author of the totally-not-the-best-written-american-blog on the internet?
Hell, I’m even behind CW and Julia as well as my father in regards to being the funniest person on this site. But that’s okay--I don’t blog for awards. I blog to get babes.
How’s that workin’ for ya, Greg?
I love the woman with the caps lock, but I still voted for you. For what that’s worth.
I voted for the Yeti. But I got introduced to yours through the awards and have been reading ever since.
Ahh yes it’s the babes that make blogging so glamourous…
I can’t help but think dooce is going to show up in these comments and tell you to SUCK IT.
you forgot to say, “it’s an honor just to have been nominated” and then look up at the sky with tears in your eyes; biting your lip, thanking your pappy or mammy for bringing you into this weary world and teaching you to blog proper. cause that would get you the sympathy/heart of gold contingent and make you a shoe-in for the next award ceremony. that’s how these things work.
or so i’ve come to understand.
Don’t be sore.
Omigod… omigod… omigod. Like… I’ve had that exact same dream… we must be like connected on an ESPN level… or something… except my third arm grabbed boobies at random and got me in a lot of trouble… oh and it was a spider monkey… ‘cause my butt is tight like that… Oh and congratulations on being one of the first losers, if it makes you feel any better… I don’t read the Dooce blog.
Just to be completely clear: Dooce is great, and I, myself, voted for Yeti.
let’s start a whole new award contest. My category of choice will be : Best Use of Hidden Text “Ewan McGregor’s Penis” to Attract Web Searches
monkey out the ass… that’s some funny shit. But seriously, choose carefully. Some of them ass monkeys are nasty.
Degrading the winner does no good for anyone in these situations, obviously, and I would never do such a thing… but I will just tell you that I did read a post on her site a few months back that gave me one of those epiphany moments of oh, my word, that was skin-crawlingly irritating in a way that for every 50 good things I can say about her, that one post ensures I will never return.
You haven’t written that post yet, Greg. Good job.
I concur...found this site through the nominations and would have, hands down, declared you the grand poobah of hysterical blogs and retired the category from future competitions in your honor. There are bits of humour in many blogs, but in terms of top notch consistency alone, you Greg...are king of the world.