Other good reasons to punch Ralph Nader in the face aside from his new presidential run.

He always reaches over and takes the last of your french fries.

He weaves in and out of freeway lanes so you can’t pass.

He leeches off your internet connection to download porn.

He fumbles with ATM machines with a huge line standing behind him.

He talks about what happened this week on Lost without asking if you’ve already seen it.

He refers to himself as a “consumer advocate,” the way other people refer to themselves as “unusually dichotomous” or “crazily spontaneous.”

He claims to be “anti big business” but makes it his own business to be on television for no real reason.

He thought The Bucket List was pretty funny.

His supporters talk at you with a frightening, glassy-eyed intensity that make Obama fans seem mellow by comparison.

You should have heard what he said about you when your back was turned.

Okay, Greg. I read this via the RSS feed, then clicked to your page. My computer is running somewhat more slowly than Sen. Gravel, the Little Engine That Could, and The Poky Little Puppy (the last two are on your Goodreads, are they not?) tied to a tortoise that rolled over on it’s back at the first french fry so it took quite a while to load.

And I am still laughing. Mr. Nader should be thankful; it’s hard to get a good punch in through the wheezes.

Posted by Menchuvian Candidate  on  02/25  at  07:54 AM

another good reason to punch him in the face is so you can steal what he’s smoking.

Posted by brandon  on  02/25  at  08:18 AM

He uses the last roll of toilet paper without replacing it.

Posted by Pants  on  02/25  at  08:35 AM

I remember when Nader told me who shot J.R. back when I was in fourth grade. Man, I hate that guy.

Posted by  on  02/25  at  02:57 PM

On a more serious note, how about this one?

http://www.systemsthinker.com/blog/2008/02/key-issue-missing-from-ralph-nader-table/

Posted by SystemsThinker  on  02/25  at  07:49 PM

How about:

He drives on the freeway in front of you really slowly, constantly tapping his brakes.

He leaves pee all over the toilet seat.

He takes up two parking spots.

Posted by teahouseblossom  on  02/25  at  11:20 PM

Hahahahaha. this is hilarious. Just makes me want to punch him until he passes out. Then, I’d walk all over his unconscious body as it lays on the floor.

Posted by Ajit  on  02/26  at  05:00 AM

He writes balls on your face when you pass out at his house.

Posted by Pants  on  02/26  at  09:00 PM

Sounds like Ralph Nader is my new bicycle.

Posted by srah  on  02/27  at  08:44 AM

I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with another good line for this comment thread, but I can’t seem to come up with anything. I’ve been laughing so hard reading this - I agree wholeheartedly with every sentiment that’s been expressed.

Posted by SI  on  02/28  at  04:52 PM

*He’s that guy in the VISA commercial who brings the singing, dancing, tossing synchronization to a screaming halt.

*He poaches your babysitter to be his new ‘read the caller ID to me’ beatch.

*He gives the Republicans the election. Again.

Posted by nita  on  03/02  at  08:16 AM

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