The other day I was shopping in Barnes & Noble and I asked an employee for assistance. He was unable to help me.
Yesterday I sent an unsolicited email to Michael Chabon, asking him to contribute to a side project of mine. A few hours later he replied and very politely declined due to his workload.
Progress: being rejected by a better class of people.
yeah, except that guy from b&n;has his own Fox Special coming up soon on hidden videocams and the sexlives of the stars. You’re gonna be telling the story of him blowing you off to your grandkids.
ooh, i’m next! i’m next!
I think the next step is to actually become a person of better class so that you can start rejecting people like your former self.
(I originally wrote “losers like ...” but thought I’d be nice by telling you later)
I’d like to become involved in a side project of yours.
You have side projects? Wow. I am ever so impressed.
Your next goal is to reject a better class of people. Switch it up a bit.
You can practice the rejecting of the better class on me if you want.
I’m selfless.
the bn guy was unable to help you, how? like physically unable, under a pile of dirty cafe dishes? or just clueless? as in the “associate” who told me i could find ‘the federalist papers’ in the periodicals rack.
for what it’s worth, i think you are way funnier than chabon.
I’m fairly impressed with the whole “side projects” concept too.
Can I be your side project? I won’t even spit on you…
movin’ on up, monsieur howard ... congrats.
Oh, you should ask again. The key with the Chab-man is persistence. Take it from me: last summer I myself undertook what I naively believed was going to be a simple “side project” --retiling my kitchen-- but it ended up consuming my entire life. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how that goes. In WAY over my head. So I got a hold of Michael Chabon and he just plain worked miracles. The grouting was perfect, the service impeccable; sheer craftsmanship. He even suggested a marble tile that ended up costing a little more, but it really brought out the countertops! I can’t say enough good things. In fact, it’s probably my jabbering about his work to every Tom, Dick and Harry that’s made him so in demand today! My bad!
But oh, how I wish I could the the same about that Dave Eggers. Worst houseboy EVER. He lacerated my topiary gardens, his second novel was awful, but the last straw was finding him in the gazebo, obviously drunk, attempting to fashion my bird feeder into a crude bong. Later I checked his references and found out he was lying about winning the Pulitzer.
But yeah, give Mike another call. I’ll put in a good word.
Point of order: Eggers’s first novel was awful too.
(spits on you)
Don’t even get me started on when Roddy Doyle and I tried to install built-in shelving. Let’s just say not all Irishmen can work a router successfully.