The economy is picking up steam again. Corporate profit outlooks look better. More people are getting jobs.
But success appears differently than it did a few years ago. You don’t see the crazy breakneck dot com days anymore. Instead, the slow boil of business activity is taking the form of a series of high-profile mergers and acquisitions.
IAC is buying Ask Jeeves. SBC is buying AT&T. Oracle bought PeopleSoft.
When I look at today’s landscape, I realize that there’s another spate of mergers and acquisitions in the offing--in the blogging world. The fact is, there’s way too many blogs. At last count, there are several hundred thousand active blogs--and those are just the ones with some form of Harry Potter icon or font style.
There will be a wave of blog M&As. You can trust me on this.
And I’m going to start it.
Because I thought about it, and I realized that the Oracle/PeopleSoft deal got its start from a single press release. All Larry Ellison did was announce his intent to buy. Then the lawyers and bigwigs got involved, and a bunch of stuff happened and eventually Oracle won. But it all began with a press release.
To that end, I’d like to officially present the below press release to the business and analyst community. I know that by doing this, I may shock some people. That’s just the way things are. Every journey begins with a single step.
So here we go.
Geese Aplenty Announces Intent to Acquire Wil Wheaton Dot Net.
OAKLAND, Calif. (March 23, 2005)—Geese Aplenty today announced its intent to acquire famed celebrity blogger Wil Wheaton’s personal website. Terms of the opening bid were not disclosed, but included a combination of cash, stock, and vintage Star Trek trading cards.
“Geese Aplenty, Inc. believes that Geese Aplenty and Wil Wheaton Dot Net have excellent synergies that make a merger inevitable,” said Greg Howard, President & CEO of Geese Aplenty. “Wil Wheaton used to be on Star Trek, and I used to watch Star Trek. Also, he has a lot of readers and I want them.”
Mr. Howard was less forthcoming on the topic of whether Wil Wheaton Dot Net’s current staff would be retained if the merger was successful. “I don’t think we’d make any sudden changes and alienate the customer base,” he said. “But in the long term? I dunno. If you think about it, do you really need Wil Wheaton to write Wil Wheaton Dot Net? I’m not convinced. Maybe we could get Adam Rich.”
Wil Wheaton did not return calls for comments. This is mostly because no one has his phone number. In fact, he hasn’t even returned Mr. Howard’s emails.
“I’m pretty sure he got my emails on the subject,” Mr. Howard said. “I mean, I don’t know exactly what his email is. But I sent them to wil at wilwheaton.net, and ensigncrusher at wilwheaton.net, and a few others. I’m sure at least one of them got through. I also sent a letter to his fan club. It was on very official-looking stationery.”
Oddly enough, Corey Feldman--who co-starred with Wheaton in the hit 1986 movie Stand By Me--did return calls for comment.
“Sure, I’ll go on record about this if it’ll get me on television,” Mr. Feldman said. “Will this be picked up by Celebrity Justice?”
About Geese Aplenty
Geese Aplenty leverages corporate synergies that integrate top-line revenue efficiencies into enterprise solutions that power industry verticals. Also, sometimes it talks about what Greg did on the weekend.
About Wil Wheaton Dot Net
Wil Wheaton is an actor and author. He saved the Enterprise several times and kissed Ashley Judd.
I like that you intend to acquire it a year ago.
M&As;can be a little bit free with the space-time continuum ...
I’m putting SK.com up on the auction block. By that, I mean, I’m basically GIVING it away, FOR FREE. C’mon, you know you want it. Screw Wil Wheaton, he’s past his prime. You can still get me cheap, while I’m young and fresh*.
*Youth and freshness not guaranteed.
I hope Wil sells out to you. Your blog is infinitely more fun than his. Even if you aren’t a guy who used to be famous.
I’d love to see his face when he googles his own website and finds this.
i’m not very finance savvy, but can i purchase some form of stock that you could possibly tip me off to in advance?
I know someone is gonna end up wearing an electronic anklet for this one. Wasn’t there some mention of insider trading? Oh well, just remember Martha returned triumphant. Better start looking at ponchos for your release.
I hope you’ve done your due diligence review. Remember you pick up the acquired entities debts and liabilities. I’ll bet there are lots of debts and liabilities associated with WW.net
OOPs. I meant to say “entity’s” mea culpa
But will this new megablog provide solutions?
I don’t know...he was just on CSI, so this may cost you.
My financial analyst is convinced that Mr. Feldman’s site would be a more prudent acquisition… of course he also convinced me to invest heavily in the Principality of New Utopia, and I’m still waiting to see how that turns out… he’s very persuasive…
i’m pretty sure Corey Feldman comes with the WW package. you should check on that.
Here’s a question: why do Trek fans hate Wil Wheaton so much? Is it because the spelling of his first name bothers them? Their irrational dislike for Stand by Me? Or because he was such a wimpy mama’s boy character, thus most resembling Trek fans themselves and making them uncomfortable?
Daniella’s Misadventures announced its desire to acquire Geese Aplenty. Industry insiders suggest rumors of a hostile takoever. This basically involves Daniella coming out to the Bay Area and kicking Greg’s ass. With extreme hostility.
The new blog will be titled The Misadventures of Geese.
maybe now I’ll read his blog.
if this will make my phone bill or cable bill go down, then i’m all for it!
you go greg!
you fucking crack me up.
you also forgot to think of the VH1 spin-offs “I love the 90’s blogs” or what-not. WW was just on an episode of “my coolest years” as a “nerd”
I was just going to say how funny I thought that post was and how you rock. Then I say how clever all the other comments were and now I’m like ...shit…
Yes, but what will you call the resulting blog?
“Wil Aplenty dot Net”
“Ensign Wil: Crusher of Geese”
“Wil Wheaton dot Net: Under New Sense of Humor”
“Geese Aplenty: Now with Wil Power!”
I’ve trademarked all of these, BTW, so I expect a license check in the mail no later than the 31st of last month.
make sure you get the 50,000 monkeys in the deal. that way we can finally get a definite answer on just how much fun a barrel full of monkeys actually has.
a fan club? really?
Hmmm. I’ve spent 20 minutes on trying to decipher what “Geese Aplenty leverages corporate synergies that integrate top-line revenue efficiencies into enterprise solutions that power industry verticals” means. I still haven’t got a clue what it means (probably something along the lines of “parasites in more famous people”?), but it sure sounds professional.
All’s I know is that SunCom just mergered and acquired my cell provider and now I’ll NEVER get that damn jingle out of my head. Friggin’ economy…
wil wheaton answered my email. just tell him you had a crush on him when star trek aired. ...
Good move. I think I’ll aquire Dooce or Neil Gaiman. Go big or go home!
so what? i kissed ashley judd too. i saved the enterprise. and no one is trying to acquire me.
(okay, i can’t back that up. but still and all.)
Papa Goose beat me to the due dilligence ref.
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