Lowering the bar.

A leading chocolate company is reducing the size of its candy bars in order to assist with the fight against obesity.

In other news:

  • Newspaper articles will be tripled in length to help fight against short attention spans
  • Beds will be made lumpier to help stop oversleeping
  • The cast of all WB teen shows will be made uglier to help combat body image anxieties
  • This site will truncate its posts in order to prevent people from reading blogs and procrasti

    • Posted by Greg at 02:23 AM. Filed under:

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    Next entry: Tie race. Previous entry: Changes planned by George Lucas for the next release of the original Star Wars Trilogy.

    That’s been Subway’s business strategy all along.  Hey guys, this sandwich is low in calories!  Yah, that’s because it has half a slice of turkey and one piece of tomato on it.  Grrrrr, Subway.

    Posted by jennn  on  09/28  at  04:11 AM

    Yeah, they’re slimming the bars to help fat people. They’ve been slimming the bars (and charging more) for years! Anyone ever read “Selling It” in the back of Consumer Reports? The truth is heartbreaking. Can you imagine that King Size used to be what we paid 35 cents for? Jesus.

    Posted by  on  09/28  at  04:48 AM

    HA!!  i heart you Greg.

    Posted by jenB  on  09/28  at  06:04 AM

    The yoghurt guys got to me with their 6oz containers. Now I eat two of them, instead of one 8oz container. Who’s skinnier now?

    Also, Falstaff has a restaurant that servers, in decreasing order of size, a “regular” portion, a “ladies’” portion, and an “English” portion.

    Posted by Gopi  on  09/28  at  06:06 AM

    Where is the chocolate maker that wants to cash in on the “never had enough chocolate” demographic?  Can’t they just let us sign our own death warrants in peace? 

    Posted by dan  on  09/28  at  08:31 AM

    I have been having a helluva time driving with my airbags inflated so that nothing bad happens to my kids. Those things can KILL you!

    Posted by Dirty Dan Sin  on  09/28  at  10:33 AM

    Gopi: you’ve eaten the food in England, right?  And I mean other than the occasionally decent fish ‘n’ chips, and Indian food?

    I’m reminded of course of the old Woody Allen stand-by: Two old women are complaining in the cafeteria.  One says, “The food in this place is terrible!” and the other one says, “And such small portions!”

    Posted by J.  on  09/28  at  03:15 PM

    Yeah, they’re probably only slimming it so that consumers who want more will then have to buy more than one, and consequently they’ll make more money. Ta da.

    Posted by Carolina  on  10/01  at  03:24 AM


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