I always get thrown off when people greet you in that “European” way of thrusting their face at you, turning to the side slightly, and then semi-kissing your cheek.

It’s not that I’m not an affectionate guy.  I like to shake people’s hands, or if I know them well, I like to give them a brief hug.  Yes, even my guy friends (if they can deal with it, which they usually can’t).

But this is America.  And when it comes the faux cheek kissing thing, it’s my feeling that brave, upstanding soldiers like Mel Gibson fought the British so we didn’t have to greet people in that bad-teeth-socialist-mistress-on-the-side-red-wine-swilling manner.

Basically, someone lunging at me with their lips is bound to elicit a singular, visceral response.  Especially if the individual is female.  And if said individual gets upset because they didn’t expect to end up with a mouthful of tongue, I’ll simply say, “Look, I respect your traditions for welcoming friends and acquaintances, and I expect you to afford me the same courtesy.”