I’ve lived in my place for over a year now, and I figure it’s about time to decorate it. I’ve read a lot of Martha Stewart-y articles, and they’re all unanimous on the same point: don’t worry if you can’t buy everything you want all at once. Simply buy the first piece you can afford, and eventually you can acquire the rest.
So this weekend I went out and bought a beverage coaster.
Ooh, faux pas, dude! I thought everybody knew that you have to get the smelly candle first. And then, the mystery remote control that doesn’t actually control anything. And then you can start getting things like coasters.
Seriously—you gotta start with the essentials, dude. Even Martha would tell you that.
But if you bought a coaster, that must mean you have a coffee table, right? That’s a friggin’ good start, I’d say.
You need a new remote control.
coasters come free with your beer at most bars, dude. This is where Martha falls down - on the scamming of free stuff. I think she wants you to have an etagerie or some kind of centerpiece. I say, get a vibrating hassock and a good non-slip floor covering, and you’re more than halfway there!
oooh, beverage coaster. what color is it? what textile is it made of? will you work the living-room set around to coordinate with it?
why am i picturing greg sitting on milk crates and having cinder block and 2x4 shelves?
enough about the coaster. You did get beverages, didn’t you?
Wait, what’s wrong with my remote control?
So, a month ago you were thinking of buying a sofa. Was that too much pressure? Did you think you needed to scale back and start with the insignificant pieces?
You can’t just mindlessly flip through channels. That can be so vital to good TV watching. Although, you would know more about the TV watching than I.
Oh, right. I could probably fix that, but I never mindlessly surf. I always watch with a mission--i.e., “Now I have an hour to watch Alias and then back to developing cold fusion,” or whatever.
I hope it matches the one I stole from the Samoa Club as your Xmas present!
What Martha didn’t tell you is whatever you do, once you purchase the smelly candle, don’t swap the positions of the coaster and the smelly candle!
That might qualify as “interior trading”.
so, like, you paid for the small beer at the bar and swiped a whole stack of Hooters coasters?