My friend invited me over to his house this weekend for barbecue ribs and beer. He recently lost his wife to a 5-year struggle with cancer. His web site tracks the number of days that it’s been since she passed away (April 1st). I asked him about the counter.
“Oh, that’s just a javascript counter,” he said. “I was going to have it track the days and the seconds too, but I figured that might be a bit too much.”
As we sat in the back yard, his attention was caught by hummingbirds congregating around a feeder. “There’s a lot of them,” he said, sounding surprised.
He called to the people in the house to come see. His 8-year old daughter was at a friend’s place, but the house buzzed with everyone else staying there: his wife’s mother, her sister, and the sister’s husband and son.
My friend explained to me: “As we were putting Cheryl into the ground, a hummingbird came and hovered right over her casket. It was so striking that it made people gasp. I found out later that the hummingbird is Cheryl’s ‘totem animal,’ according to Native American folklore.”
He said, “I’m about as card carrying an atheist as they come. I think life is a random event, and I think the hummingbird was just a coincidence. But I still find comfort in the symbolism. That’s why I put up the feeders. I’ve seen one or two birds there, but this is the first time I’ve seen multiple hummingbirds.”
Everyone joined us on the deck. His other daughter also came wobbling out, a two-year old blob of pink clothes. She smiled at me shyly.
“See?” My friend said to his family, sweeping his arm towards the feeders. “It’s the first time we’ve seen multiple hummingbirds.”
The sun felt good on my neck and face. The barbecue puffed smoke. The beer in my hand, which my friend had brewed himself, tasted faintly of apricot.
That’s a great story. I makes me want to put up a hummingbird feeder this summer.
oh greg. that was so lovely. thanks for this. bittersweet and touching.
this is probably gonna take away from the poignancy, but i just saw my first live hummingbirds this weekend!
i was visiting my friend, kelly, at her new house and they were frequenting her feeder… they were totally cool.
Beautifully written, graciously shared. Thank you.
So sad… glad your friend is finding some small comfort.
Greg, you make me want to go on living. Thanks.
Well written man. As the protagonist, reading your account makes me realize that it is often the beauty of coincidence and happenstance that makes it so startling. And when that beauty can be attached to symbols, whether structured like language or graphical icons, or unstructured like a species of bird, it can be imbued by meaning, especially as others share their experiences and add them to the symbol. None of this changes the underlying coincidence, nor does it detract from the poignancy of a moment that such things happen all the time. Because it is often the other emotions whirling around the lives of the humans involved that invests the symbol with power. The number of hummingbird encounters our friends and family have had all over the country since Cheryl’s funeral likely might have happened anyway; but they might not have been noticed in the same way. When the hummingbird buzzed my head and hovered in front of me at the funeral, it was startling and beautiful. Later, it became symbolic, and now it has power conferred by collective participation. Whether other animals have this experience I don’t know, but it is definitely a human trait, and a powerful and sometimes moving one. Thanks for writing.
i’m speechless. that was lovely - gripping, and poignant.
thank you.
thank you for that
It’s wonderful when life’s poetry can be captured in such prose. Thank you for that.
Well done Greg.
I’ve always liked the hummingbirds, but never had such a good reason before. What a cool totem animal. What a cool barbeque. What a cool story. Thanks for telling it so well.
The hummingbirds are her way of letting them know that she is OK. Thank you for the cry. My thoughts go out to the California Hammonds.
ugh. the lump in my throat is so huge right now. i am sure that was such a sweet moment in their lives.
Greg, I’m glad you liked it; it’s always unnerving to “steal” something like this.
That was beautiful. And Greg Hammond, I think you’re right--it’s in the noticing.
beautiful.
Wow Greg. That’s just the kind of thing I needed today.
Thank you for this, Greg. I have always envied your way of simply putting the extraordinary parts of life.
I completely believe in that type of symbolism, and I love that your friend has been able to recognize and enjoy it. Thanks for a great, although sad, story.
This is why I read blogs.
I have the biggest lump in my throat right now. That was simply beautiful.
Funny thing. I was looking at your blog links the other day and I ended up clicking on your friend’s blog and reading about the loss of his wife. Seems like I read something about the hummbingbirds there and looked at a photo of some children taken at the funeral. Very sad. Very nice of you to write about this hummingbird experience.