I found a few pages of an unfinished screenplay over the weekend, and this scene made me smile although I have no recollection of writing it. It takes place in a record company where our protagonist, Peter, works as a talent scout. He and his friend Abby are meeting a new artist that the label might want to sign, a hardcore rapper type.
MACHETE: I’m Macheté.
He pronounces it “Mash-sheh-TAY.”
PETER: Machete?
MACHETE: No, Macheté. With an accent at the end.
PETER: Wait a minute...I know you.
Macheté looks at him suspiciously.
PETER: You’re Tim Mason. You were in that boy band, The Virgin Daquiris.
MACHETE: Long time ago, bro.
PETER: Yeah, but you had that number one song, “I’m Your Sir Galahad”!
Macheté glares at him.
ABBY: He hates to talk about that song.
PETER (singing): “I’m your Sir Galahad, and you’re the Gal I had...”
MACHETE: Can it.
PETER: Catchy tune.
Macheté takes a menacing step in Peter’s direction.
MACHETE: Maybe you’d like to catch my fist.
ABBY: Boys, boys. Let’s respect the fact that Macheté is moving on, upgrading his image.
MACHETE: Yeah, urban sound’s better for me than that boy band crap. Allows me to channel the pain of my youth.
PETER: Pain, what pain? I read about you, you were middle-class suburban. What do you sing about, your Mom putting parental controls on the TV so you couldn’t watch Skinemax?
That’s the last straw. Macheté LUNGES at Peter. They collide into a table, knocking over glasses.
ABBY: Jesus!
She wades into them, forcibly separates them.
MACHETE: He insulted my honor!
ABBY: Peter just doesn’t understand, uh, the code of the street.
PETER: What, you mean the cheat codes for Grand Theft Auto?
I have no idea where I was going with the scene, but I do like the idea of a character named “Macheté” with an accent. Maybe that’s a whole story right there.
This is officially the best thing about my Sunday. (I’m doing cleaning and doing laundry, so that may not say much. BUT IT SHOULD.)
That was cute. What I liked best, actually, was the song. Those lyrics were clever.
Every once in a while I discover something I’ve written but can’t remember. It kind of scares me. What else have I forgotten?
Macheté is an interesting name for a person. All I know is a Machete is a kind of cutting tool or sometimes it’s used as a weapon in some countries. As for the script, I can imagine the situation as I read it and I was actually wondering what’s going to happen next. The last line is a good cliffhanger.
you know, i hardly ever watched movies, but over the weekend i saw TWO, one of which was Sixteen Candles (no explanation needed, obviously) and the other was Grindhouse.
um, the reason i bring this up is that i think your idea for a movie based around a character named Machete is solid. but you might need to speed up your timeline.
also, if your version requires a fluffer, i will be pleased to offer my services.
Grindhouse’s Machete didn’t use an accent!
How come so few lines for Abby?
Clearly, because it’s a misogynist tract.
I really like it.
In high school, I wrote a TV script for “Moonlighting.”
It won an award and everything (of course, the winner was picked out of my senior creative writing class, population 12), but I like to put it on my fake resume.
I wonder if I should dust it off and pitch it to Bruce and Cybill? America is ripe for a Moonlighting comeback.
Gregoire,
I miss u! I hope u r doing well. <3s to u!!!!
u,
OverratedConfectionFromThe80s
Ha! I love it. Why aren’t you a striking writer right now? Quit the day job.
I want to go see movies written by you.
Sheer brilliance. That made for a perfect trailer. Keep working so we can see the movie! I’d pay to watch that.