One might point out that supporting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is a fairly unconscionable position for a President to take, seeing as how the constitution (and America at large) is about inclusiveness, and such an amendment would be about exclusion. And it’s true that I don’t support this amendment.
However, I am not necessarily opposed to a philosophy of exclusion, and I don’t want the struggle over marriage rights to obscure the point that the constitution could be very powerfully used to legislate against deserving parties. Here’s a list of minority groups that I believe it’s acceptable to discriminate against, even to the point of establishing a federal mandate.
People who bring their children to my desk to buy candy bars and other crap for their schools and bands.
People who use an apostrophe in decades (1970’s) and in a possessive form of the word “its.”
People with any form of a fish on their cars--I don’t care whether it says “Jesus” or “Darwin.” Knock it off.
Naked fat old men who have their gym lockers right next to mine and instead of changing into their clothes they stand there and scratch themselves and preen. Listen, I wouldn’t want the statue of David striking a pose in my vicinity when I’m trying to change, and you’re no work of art, saggy.
People who think that Blink 182 are punk.
People who sell Amway products.
People with “KILL YOUR TELEVISION” bumper stickers on their cars. If you’re so hip and progressive, why the hell are you driving a car?
People who are taller than me. I’m at a networking event and I end up talking into this 6’4” guy’s sportsjacket. I take a break to shout “SAY IT LOUD: I’M 5’8” AND I’M PROUD,” but he can’t hear me because sound doesn’t carry in the upper atmosphere.
Anyone who links to “Geese Aplenty” but then de-links it. Oh, not funny enough for you, eh? If you want professional comedy, you’ll have to pay for it. I’m just a talented amateur.
People who don’t vote because they don’t think their vote counts. You know what else doesn’t count? People who are dumb.
People who are dumb.
People who are stupid.
Dumb people who are stupid and who annoy me.
Tough, but fair. I’ll start collecting signatures.
oy, 6:15 a.m. and you’re already on the warpath ... did you have a nightmare about the quizzno’s creatures again?
p.s. there IS an apostrophe in “quizzno’s,” right?
Well then, what about the people who voted for that guy in California who wants to give the vote to 14-year olds?
Word. Can you also add people who add an apostrophe when making someone’s last name plural, when that name ends with a vowel (for example, the Stee’s)? I know that’s really specific, but it would get rid of my mother-in-law so easily.
Hee hee! Bryan doesn’t count any more.
I’d like to add to your list:
Brother Jed, televangelists, any person peddling religion door-to-door, and anyone who takes direct marketing to the level of religion.
wait, wait. people actually de-link you? now i’m thinking that maybe i’m not such a loser cuz people were de-linking me right and left a few weeks ago. i feel eons better now. i STILL rock! woo-hoo!
-- oh, uhm, yeah. people who de-link you suck eggs. let’s send them to mars. Yeah!
Im not stupid, your stupid! And how asked you anyways? Your just a grammer snob!
P.S. - Delinking Greg is the new black.
Apostrophe use is tricky. If you succeed in your Constitutional amendment, the court system will be backed up for years with cases like Till V. ‘Til and 70’s V. ‘70s. Not to mention the hotly debated “Jenny *heart*’s Steve V. Jenny *heart*s Steve.”
For the record, my way old-school sister writes “ ‘phone.” I hope she has a good lawyer.
>>sniff<<
I’m taller than you...here you were my blog crush and now you’ve hurt my feelings…
I may have to de-link you.
Ok...what about the fish I saw in traffic a while back: inside the fish it said ‘n chips.
Heh. Fish ‘n chips. Okay, I like that.
cw- Even when I know it’s intentional, using your instead of you’re annoys me.
Well then, my day is complete.
Killing your television will put me out of a job. So yes, we don’t like those people.
impressive list.
i am not properly scrutinizing my use of the apostrophe. i am shamed.
With apologies to W.S.Gilbert
As some day it may happend that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list-I’ve got a little list.
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed-who never would be missed.
From the idiot who brings, whith smirk and mamma’s pride,
Her little darling to me to purchase junk I can’t abide,
To the uneducated clod spreading apostrophes here and there
Who thinks if “Sally’s“‘s good, then “it’s” (possessive) must be fair,
To the bearers of fish emblems and bumper stickers with political grist
For argument, I say, none of them will be missed,
They never would be missed.
So let me be dictator of the world, and some changes you will see
No shorts on fatties, nor halter tops, nor bare middles wide as the sea.
No whining after special privilege allowed for folks who just won’t work,
No demands the world provide a living by those who prefer to shirk,
No parodies of comic lyricists by those with no talent for meter,
No anti-hunter tirades from those shopping at markets who remain meat-eaters.
So when all the people who disturb Greg, and the blogsters, have been placed upon a list,
Why none of them will be missed, they never would be missed.
“Listen, I wouldn’t want the statue of David striking a pose in my vicinity when I’m trying to change, and you’re no work of art, saggy.”
Gold.
Wouldn’t it be fish ‘n’ chips? I will defer to Doctor Greg Howard, master of the English Language.
All bets are off in regards to pub food spelling, the specifics of which are generally debated after 3 or 4 glasses of Guiness.
Greg, I know I’m engaged and all that, but will you marry me anyway? I think I may be deeply and frighteningly in love with you. Any man who matches my hatred of Those Who Use Apostrophes Improperly (see my post about this some months back) must be my One True Love. So what if you’re short? I can overlook that!!!
Marry me, damn it!
Aww, you’re not short. You’re tall enough to reach the ground. That’s what my mom always used to say.
I know. I don’t get it either.
Wow. This little piece of hate was just what I needed, though personally I might add people who go to networking events to the list.
Greg: Dumb people who are stupid and who annoy me have been driving me nuts all week.
Gregdad: Wow.
Jennn: Dammit! Just when I thought I’d avoided the list. What if we go to a networking event day after tomorrow, not because we have any desire to or really understand what a networking event is but because we’re terribly, terribly desperate? May I please have a dispensation, ma’am?
Amen, except I think 70’s is perfectly acceptable. The spelling, I mean, not the decade itself. And I love the fish wars. The counter of the Jesus fish with the Darwin fish was pure genius. Then there’s the “Truth” Jesus fish eating the Darwin fish, which was a worthy comeback. I say, Don’t let it end here. Darwin fish need to retaliate. It’ll all end in bloodshed, I know, but as someone who’s only rear-end adornment reads “Ford Escort.” I say, “Let the games begin. Or continue rather...”
Don’t forget the Gefilte Fish…
I just saw the Gefilte fish!!! That’s what I get for living in a predominately Swedish/Norwegian neighborhood though.
Except one thing . . . the last three groups are not minorities.
And one more thing: Dad - no more meth and Poe.
I once made the owner of a hair salon scrape the apostrophe out of the giant letters of the establishment’s name in the front window. The name of the place was “Hair Trend’s”. And no, the gentleman’s name was not Mr. H. Trend. I asked.
oh man.
greg for president. totally.
people who use exclamation points! at the end of every sentence! and sometimes between sentences! and sometimes more than one at the end of a regular sentence!!!!
but your vote doesn’t count because the noise in the measurement devices ... oh forget it.
*de-links greg*
and, by the way, i’m 5’ 10”. count those extra two inches, bitch.
Maybe you get delinked because you don’t stop by and post often enough. *raises eyebrow*