From the CNN article Kerry Targets Ohio Geese, Voters: “Wearing a camouflage jacket and carrying a 12-gauge shotgun, [Kerry] left on a hunt of ducks and geese on a supporter’s farm outside of Youngstown. Kerry adviser Mike McCurry said it’s important in the final days of the campaign that voters ‘get a better sense of John Kerry, the guy.’”
Hey, loserboy, I know the polls are showing that you’re about to have as much luck in the election as Dick Cheney at a heart surgeon’s convention, but lay off my namesakes.
Do I go around smashing up Heinz ketchup bottles just to prove I’m a big shot? Because believe me, I could, and I’ve resisted out of respect for your candidacy and your inherited fortune. But I’m starting to rethink the wisdom of going easy on condiments in light of your bloodthirsty new campaign tactics.
How about I just change the name of this site to Kerry Aplenty? Then you can prove your manliness by going on a hunt for yourself.
Assknocker.
I sense hurt feelings… Group hug, everybody?
I cringed at his last ditch effort to appeal to the gun-toters. I don’t like using the lives of the innocent to prove something, but I bet you 5 bucks he wins.
Assknocker? Dicksnort? Do you have some sort of Random Insult Generator on your desk? And can I borrow it?
Seriously. Assknocker made me pee a little. Thanks.
I think “dicksnort” is just about the most brilliant thing I’ve seen on the Internet(s). I’ve been using it liberally since seeing it on Geese Aplenty.
I’m with the others...assknocker. Ha!
Assknocker. Hahaha. Oh man, I’m calling everyone that from now on.
Group hug!
Greg: Please please please tell me that you’ve read Richard Russo’s Straight Man, or at least know what the heck I’m talking about.
It has a goose on the cover, and also answers the unasked question of what might (most likely) would have happened to you had you gone the academic route.
“I’m not a cynic, but I can play that role . . . “
If you do not in fact know what I am talking about, I will send you the book posthaste.
J, you gave me that book once. I loved it, and have read all of Russo’s work since, including Empire Falls. I, however, am not as funny as that main character, so your hypothesis is flawed.
Oh, right, good? I am getting old, and I forgot? And also: you are a lot funnier than you give yourself credit for? Because you have this blog? And people are always reading and commenting on it? And you have even been asked to write guest columns, and been published, etc.? And maybe I should stop with the inside joke but I always aspired to be the secretary in the first place? (Which reminds me: you are also like the main character in that you have a lot of women friends?)