What bothers me about intelligent design isn’t that it’s the old Watchmaker theory dressed up in new clothes. Sure, the Watchmaker argument has been so thoroughly discredited that it doesn’t make much sense to me to try to resuscitate it—but, y’know, whatever. I thought it was dumb when Britney Spears covered Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative” too, but I could just switch off the radio. No big deal.
And it’s not that proponents of intelligent design are intent on aligning themselves with the scientific establishment. Well, okay, that does bug me. What’s wrong with science staying in the classroom and faith staying in the church? It’s not like scientists go to religious leaders and say “Do you think we can just sort of jump in between the sermon and the hymns so we can show everyone the difference between meiosis and mitosis?”
It strikes me as weird that the faith folks are beating down everyone’s door to be part of the science crowd. It’s as though they look over at the scientists and say “Hey, they’re having fun over there. Let’s go be a part of that.” So they go over to the scientists:
- We want to do what you’re doing.
- Okay. Do you use hypothesis to predict the existence of phenomena, or predict qualitatively the results of new observations?
- No.
- Do you do perform experimental tests to verify predictions that are evaluated by several independent experimenters?
- No.
- Um, maybe you should go back over there.
- You guys are mean. We’re calling the school board.
I don’t understand why this is such an issue. Scientists, many of whom are religious, are not necessarily anti-faith. Many of them advocate faith as a means to fill in the gaps in human knowledge with spiritual thought and belief in order to give people richer and more meaningful lives—as long as there’s no riding around on bikes and knocking on people’s doors. But faith can’t replace the scientific method. (Conversely, the scientific method can’t replace faith, so see? Everyone should be happy.) You can’t mix them up. For example, I remember being in high school chemistry and trying to put together various chemicals in order to create a purple flame. Do catholic priests train in labs so that they get transubstantiation just right?
- So, did it work this time?
- No, and I can’t figure it out. I followed all the instructions, but the wine just turned into one of those little Jesus-in-a-manger snowflake globes.
- Sorry, that’s another C grade. But you can make it up by doing extra credit in astronomy—for example, following that yonder star.
That doesn’t stop the faith advocates from attempting to discredit evolution with non-scientific arguments. I was reading a proponent of intelligent design in a mainstream newspaper recently, and he criticized evolution because it made all these suppositions about how history happened but “no one was there to see it so no one really knows for sure.” So all we need to do is trust our eyes? I once saw Ronald McDonald doing somersaults into a mosh pit full of talking cucumbers, but that doesn’t mean it really happened. Rather, it taught me to never eat anything that that’s sold in the parking lot before a Grateful Dead show.
None of those problems with intelligent design bothers me all that much. What bothers me is the theory’s bottom-line implication, that the First Cause of a designed reality somehow equates to the Christian God. Let’s say for the sake of argument that intelligent design is correct: reality is so complex and intricate that it somehow “proves” a creator. Where does that lead us to the conclusion that said creator is capital G God?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being cynical about the state of life, the universe, and everything. We have lot of very nice things here. Rolling mist covering dew-kissed hills in the morning, love, sex, the miracle of birth, TIVO. But what about the rest of it? Does it truly reflect a perfect system that sprang from an omniscient being?
If the creator is a watchmaker, he’s making a cheap Rolex knockoff. He’s no placid dude with a long beard and serene, infinite pools of wisdom. He’s some laughing, deranged maniac: “The tailbone—that’ll throw those guys a loop. And then I got this great idea for a mammal that lays eggs! I’ll call it a platypus! Man, I really shouldn’t eat the stuff that’s sold in the parking lot before a Grateful Dead show.”
Posted by Greg at 05:02 AM. Filed under:
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Scoring your blog: I give you a 10/10 for wit, writing, analysis, and content. I give you a 1/10 for avoidance of hate mail, Molotov cocktails, and burning crosses in front of your condo.
Loved it!
But you skipped my favorite argument: if it takes an intelligent designer to create what is here, it must take an intelligent designer to create that designer, and an intelligent designer to create the designer of the designer, etc etc infinitely. If the proponents of intelligent design say, no to that, they are exposing what we all knew all along: Creation dressed up to fool the school board.
Thanks a lot. I just snorted OJ out my nose and onto my keyboard laughing at this. Too damn funny GregHo.
Wow. Way to take on a big pain in my ass!
Intelligent Design I can relate to.
flying spaghetti monster
The Onion had something on “Intelligent Falling vs. Gravity”, very funny.
This was a great post, truly. Not just funny, it was great.
This has to be one of your better posts this month. Not that I didn’t like any of the others, but you know. Like with bands, I’ll always have that favorite song on that one album.
Intelligent Design: Random Stupidity with a marketing strategy - for when the real answers are too confusing.
However, I’ve been worried ever since that sermon you mentioned what that stuff between mitosis. and if medical science won’t give me an answer, I’m probably going to need a priest.
I just hate how strong Christians are stealing each other’s homework and using the same arguments over and over to explain something that has been repeatedly shot down by most of the scientific community.
We recently listened to christian radio on a car trip (the laughing keeps us awake). They were really tearing up the evolution argument...until we realized that all of the experts they were citing were criticizing Darwin’s first grade school papers...from The Vatican.
I went to a fundamentalist christian school through ninth grade. These nut jobs actually believe that the dinosaurs and early man never existed. We were taught there are no such things as fossils because according to the bible, the world is not that old. Carbon dating, archelolgy and modern science were completely disregarded.
These are the fuckers that are now trying to worm their way into public schools with the “intelligent design” argument. Intelligent design is a fanatical wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I think TB hit on an answer to one of your questions: fundamentalist readers of the Bible feel evolutionary theory is a threat to their dogma, that is why they must run interference.
Great post! Great comment from Papa Goose, too!
Believe it or not, I am all for teaching Intelligent Design theory in schools, but I think it should be taught in Social Studies or Religious Studies courses. Similar to your argument above, theoretical physicists don’t insist that English teachers instruct their students that the book they are reading is in infinite space until the student observes it. This is why the school system breaks down the curricula into different courses.
And, Greg… there is no reason to be in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead show.
amen. to the tivo thing.
My guess is that if you rode around on a bicycle for a while, spreading the Good News, you would begin to understand the clavicle. Or end up having forbidden monkey love with your mission partner, assuming either one of you could figure out how to remove the special underwear. Either way.
It’s sad that American Conservative Christians are the ones standing up as the poster children for Christianity.
I’m a Christian.
And I’m NOT happy that Pat Robertson is plastered over every major news network today.
People, that’s not a Christian thing to do, to suggest the assassination of...anyone. That’s hypocrisy. And I agree that ID should not be taught in science class. Although, maybe everyone should jump on board with the idea, and then once in place, offer up the suggestion that science teacher’s hold ID up to the scientific method. That may prove to be a GREAT teaching tool.
No, ID belongs in philosophy class or a religion class. There really should be a final separation of church and state. And Christians who recognize that Christianity is a personal spiritual choice; not an agenda for hate, intolerance, hypocrisy, and self-servanthood.
Many of us (Christians, that is) do not interpret the Bible strictly literally, and feel that there is a way it all works together, and that one day these mysteries will be revealed to us. God gave us the intelligence to discover and prove things like evolution and fossils, after all. To just stick your fingers in your ears and go “LALALALALALALAAAA” whenever anyone mentions a dinosaur has got to make God chuckle, I think.
And QOB, to see an illustration of your final point, see my blog, yesterday’s entry titled “Speechless”. It makes me beyond sad.
This is utter nonsense. Everybody knows the movements of Pangea is the work of a magi. See
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/1309
I’m a Catholic and also have a background in math and science and engineering. Einstein was very religious as well. Some would argue that the scientific method itself, and paradigms such as Euclidean Geometry, are themselves based on a form of faith. We have to make underlying assumptions in order to get those to work as well.
When I start my religion, I’m going to point my flocks to this post as an example of someone who is going straight to hell. Unless, of course, you have $50, then you could be appointed as the Minister of Information, and I will point to this post for what it really is: insightful, well-written, and really funny.
PS-Please refrain from telling my minions what I really think as its a violation of our religio-corporate policy and against the strict non-disclosure agreement that you agreed to by reading this.
That was a truly awesome post.
Also, I want someone to explian what’s intellgent about giving us tonsils and appendices instead of noodly appendages.(You may need to go read the flying spaghetti monster link for this to make sense. Or maybe not.)
THB, I agree that there’s certain leaps that science makes. However, I do think there’s a difference between an underlying assumptions that can be prodded and picked at through rigorous experiments and analysis, and simply believing in something because one chooses to believe in it. That’s why I think the former belongs in a church (or a religious studies class, yes Frank) and the latter belongs in a science class.
Papa Goose: Your favourite argument is rather philosophical, mine are that light sensitive cells can give you an edge when it comes to avoiding the dinner plate, putting them in a slight pit give directionality (improvement), and closing them off almost gives a pinhole camera (an Eye!!!). And also that sure you can cite that x number chemicals make blood clot and x number make a bacterial motor, but take some obscure fish, and its equally obscure bacteria and they only use 2/3x chemicals for the same jobs, with others for other jobs. It seems you can pretty much take any system and get a scab to from.
But I suppose it’s just a matter of taste.
Nice site by the way.
Glod, I luv you, but what the *hell*...?
INTELLIGENT DESINE IS REAL AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR YOUR BLASPHEMY! HOW DO YOU THINK GEESE GOT HERE? YOUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN DESIGNED THEM, AND WATCHES, AND WHATEVER SPAGETI MONSTER AND EVERYTHING ELSE. GIVE ME REAL. GIVE ME FAITH. GOD MADE THE SCIENTISTS AND HE MADE YOU AND HE CAN UNMAKE YOU ALL. NEETCHEE IS DEAD, GOD SAID. REMEMBER THAT.
Bryan, I love how you’re so even handed when writing about this subject on your own site--but as soon as you’re not responsible for the ensuing dialogue, you cut loose with the sarcasm.
I am so in love with Bryan now.
TYPE IT LOUDER!!!!!!
Humans love to twist the truth in order to justify themselves. That’s why there are so many different religions.
WWFSMD?
In all that I say and do, I pray that I am honoring the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path, and a fork unto my meatball.
you are one funny goose.. cant ppl just settle down and realize that intelligent design and science actually complement each other? nitpicking should be the eighth deadly sin. i think darwin said that. anyways, it all depends on who you read. expanding horizons its what its all about. hence, pangea. panjeea. punjami.
I guess if it came down to it and I had a choice between a dude and a theory, and God. I’d choose God any day.
what’s the difference kassi?
http://www.venganza.org . . . is all I’m saying.
Great essay… I really enjoyed reading it. I’m new to this whole thing and linked here through another blog. Hope you don’t mind if I bookmark ya.
Don’t you people get it. There is no god. There is no magical spirit helping you get your stupid promotion wile babies are starving to death every day by the thousands.
You cling to the idea of a god because you are afaide of your own mortality. It’s the whole “this can’t be it” theory. You fear therefore you cleave to an idea that makes no sense, unless you pretend hard enough.
Be brave an open your eyes for yourself. take a good look at the whole world and see it for what it acutally is.