It’s time for this year’s edition of Oscar the Grouch with a look at the Best Picture nominees:
The Aviator. I haven’t seen Martin Scorsese’s new one yet! I’m very excited! I love DeNiro! I love mobsters! I love the gritty streets of...what’s that again? No DeNiro? No mobsters? It’s about some crazy rich guy? And it stars that 12-year old kid from Titanic? Christ. What next, Scorsese? A history of the frilly white parasol? Loser.
Sideways. Several wine companies have reported that this movie has significantly boosted sales of pinot noir. Similarly, several restaurants have reported an increase in pudgy middle-aged men hanging out and trying to be waited on by Virginia Madsen.
Ray. Although the movie touches upon Ray Charles’s rocky marriage and his battle with drugs, it primarily focuses on his undeniable artistic and commercial successes. Missing from the film are the facts that he had a marriage prior to the one depicted in the film, that he divorced his second wife in 1977, and that he had more than one illegitimate child (he left behind a total of twelve children). Apparently, however, all of this will be included in an upcoming “Director Cut the BS” edition.
Million Dollar Baby. As it’s not possible to rant about this movie without spoiling key plot points, the following paragraph is in “inviso text” (swipe it with your cursor to read it):
When I was a kid, Clint Eastwood killed bad guys with guns. These days he just kills girls in hospital beds. Some say this is a career progression, but I say bite your tongue. (But don’t do it hard enough to get blood on the sheets. Clint hates that.)
Finding Neverland. Loosely based on the life of Peter Pan author J.M. Barrie, this film has encouraged Johnny Depp to return to television for the first time in decades: he’ll be starring in a spinoff that will be airing on Fox next fall. It’s about a delicate, mild-mannered children’s author who infiltrates a high school to teach students about imagination and family, and to stare at them somewhat inappropriately.
The name of the show is 21 J.M. Street.
i love your movie reviews.
just don’t knock johnny too hard - that whole effeminate thing is just a front.
did you invent inviso-text? it’s gonna be huge! i didn’t believe you and got so excited that i read the spoiler...damn you!
I would totally watch 21 J. M. Street. yes I’m a loser.
Whatever happened to those Delousie brothers?
Every woman I know *hated* Sideways.
Not even inappropriate staring could tear me away from 21 J.M. Street if Johnny Depp wore a pirate suit.
Bets, why? Because Madsen was such a male fantasy? I liked the movie, but I didn’t buy her character or her relationship with the novelist. It was just all too movie-like. Which I suppose was my point in the post. But I saw the movie with three women and they all liked it, so I was curious.
I just didn’t get Sideways. I followed the story along nicely but I didn’t see the award-winning capability that everyone else seemed to see.
Maybe I need a divorce and a drinking problem to get a handle on it.
Thanks for the reviews. I haven’t seen any of these movies. But now I am intrigued by what the Inviso-text revealed and am thinking of going to see it. Naaaah!
and wait: best picture of 2007 goes to - a history of the frilly white parasol.
Yeah, I think the male fantasy stuff was why; the egotism of the male midlife crisis. The idea that Virginia Madsen, or women like her, was supposed to love rescuing a singularly unattractive (in the broad sense) man like I’ve heard the Giamatti character is.
Of course, with you dating three women, sounds like you’re living a male fantasy of your own.
Oh, they just all felt sorry for me because I’m an bald, alcoholic, unpublished divorcee. Works every time!
I liked it. Especially the part where he grabs the wine bottle and starts chugging it while he’s running downhill. I just spoiled the entire movie.
Has the man yet been born who can resist the allure of the spoiler warning?
Damn you Inviso-text!!!!!!! I had to read the spoiler. I totally thought you were being a dork and making that text stuff up. How the hec did you do that.
Oh, I totally agree about J.D. in a pirate suit.
Well, of course I was being a dork, but PEOPLE, I don’t kid around with the inviso-text.
Peter Pan was VERY LOOSELY based on that story. After seeing the movie, I felt warm, fuzzy and intrigued, so I looked up what happened.
It ain’t good. Most of the kids did not die of natural causes… and there was much bitterness.
Where’s the inviso-text on the internet that keeps me from bursting my “loosely based movie” bubble? (This also happened with “A Beautiful Mind")
I loved Sideways. My favorite line, “Are you CHEWING GUM?”
And sorry - but I don’t think Virginia Madsen’s such a great catch herself. I thought the match was believable.
I thought Paul definitely turned in an Oscar-worthy performance. Although it doesn’t matter b/c Foxx is gonna win it anyway.