Are you an assassin?

She has been in a few commercials. She has a little to much junk in her trunk to be credible. Not that junk is a bad thing, I’ve got the Antiques Roadshow going on, but I’m not trying to sell a weight loss program. 

Greg, Greg, Greg. You’re the first man to ever make me snort diet Pepsi out of my nose.

she’s like Maris on Frasier. often spoken of rarely to never seen.

Yeah...I think they decided since she wasn’t a waif, she couldn’t sell it.  Stooopid.

DUDE.  How do you guys not know what happened to her a few years ago?  She used to be the total spokeswoman, until she dozed off in a chair and awoke with a start, to find her bottom jaw had totally clamped over the top one, in the freakiest accident of all time.  I shit you not.  She has been disabled and in constant pain since.

Here’s the full story.
http://www.drnigro.com/Media/PainfulSilence.htm

Does someone feel like a meany-pants now? 

wow.  this might be one of the most profound snarky-comment-gone-wrong events ever.

And sorry, I totally just ruined your post.  I have severe miss-fancy-pants disorder.  Sorry.

It’s a cover story.

Man, that is just an awful freak accident. What a nightmare. I had no idea.

This is amazing. I decided to read the comments, saying to myself, “Aha, EV will have been here, telling the story about the time she met Jenny Craig when she worked at Target,” but lo, in fact she told another, even more interesting (though obviously more horrifying) story.
EV, you are the one who met Jenny Craig at Target, right? 

Hey, I totally forgot about that.  She does live in my hometown, where I worked at Target in high school, so very likely it was me.  I guess she’s not that memorable unless she’s freakishly maimed.

let’s get back to the snark! facts suck! and are depressing!

You were supposed to say, “I’m an assassin,” Greg.  It was a reference to Apocalypse Now.  Jenny Craig = Marlon Brando, see?

You kids today.

Um...I love the smell of diet products in the morning?

geese aplenty: now with 40% more snark.

and what about that Trix spokesrabbit? tres sketchy.

First Raiders, now Apocalypse Now? Greg, have you been going over my Netflix list?  Oh, wait, I own all those.  Never mind.

Wait a minute.

Greg, have you been flying across the country and sneaking into my apartment while I’ve been away?

After all my holiday eating, though, I think I could use Jenny Craig right about now, I don’t care HOW much she weighs.