Motherhood books are full of facts, figures, and statistics regarding the need for the mother to “bond” with her newborn baby within minutes of the birthing act. Done via both touch and gaze, this bonding constitutes a crucially important step for both parent and child alike. While I do not dispute the findings of these studies, I do take issue with the lack of any academic or clinical material on a less significant but still highly important form of bonding: Uncle/niece. I present my own anecdotal evidence here in the hopes that more trained individuals can begin to update existing materials and include the role of the Uncle in the child development process.
(2 Weeks of Cam’s existence. Dialogue proceeds while Uncle is attempting to burp her.)
Me: So, I’m Uncle Greg. Great, huh?
Cam: You have no breasts. Therefore, your existence is inconsequential.
Me: No no. I’m an Uncle. I’m less cool than a parental unit but totally better than your parents’ friends who irritate you.
Cam: Hey, watch the head. So what does an Uncle do?
Me: I can read Lemony Snicket books to you and you can come over to my place and we can dance to Talking Heads.
Cam: Talking Heads? That’s so very before-I-was-born.
Me: Whatever, you choose the tunes.
Cam: Whoa, hey, check this out.
(HUGE BURP. It reverberates throughout several street blocks. Union workers look up from loading crates into oil tankers and high-five each other: “She’s one of us.")
Cam: Sweet, that was almost as good going up as going in. Milk is great.
Me: Yeah, milk is good.
Cam: Well, thanks for the burp and for not letting my head flop around. I’m going to have a crap and take a nap. Care to join me?
Me: No no, I’m good. You go ahead.
Cam: Okay, nice to meet you. Don’t feet bad if I don’t remember your name next time I see you. I’m not good with names yet. Or, y’know, words.
Me: Not an issue. Take it easy.
Cam: Like that’ll be a problem.
And the weird thing is, I was reading Lemony Snicket books even before I was an uncle.
Aw, you’re the best uncle ever. And you’ll always be way cooler than the parental units ‘cause you don’t have to discipline!
If that post doesn’t call for “Stay Up Late” playing in the background, I don’t know what does.
save this post for when she’s around 13. she’ll laugh uncomfortably.
and save it for when she’s around 30 : she’ll love it then.
best. uncle. ever.
Damn. That’s some funny shit. Did you used to write for Seinfeld?
Now if only you could be an aunt too so you could write an ode to us. 8)
i liked the wire mommy
i agree that you should not “feet” bad as well. no one should ever have to feet bad.
Two good friends each had babies this week. I’ll have to remember this conversation as I have my first with them.
Elle is right. You’ll be the person Cam runs to every time you’re seen and hugs your leg until circulation fails. Being an uncle is one of the best jobs ever. If it’s on par with being an aunt, anyway.
How could she help but love you?
i have no idea what a lemony snicket is. i feel so left out.
loool good stuff
Uncles are decidedly cooler than parental units. Particularly the dancing variety. She’s going to adre you.
last night at 11pm my nephew was in a sleeping bag on top of my bed eating chocolate pudding and watching zorro. let me know if you need any aunt/uncle lessons.
Sounds like you had a great time - nothing like baby vomit to brighten your day, is there?
Damn you Nikita! Damn you to damnation!! I go on vacation, check the blogs just a little less frequently than usual, and you beat me to EVERY single comment I come up with! But then again since they always have to do with Talking Heads or Gay Marriage, I guess that’s not so surprising. Anyway, sorry Greg, now I got nothin’.
Will you be my uncle?
Will you be my uncle?
EV - the early bird gets the gay worm that looks like David Byrne, I guess.
I love being a godmother, so I’m guessing that uncle is just as fun a job. Especially if your niece is as adorable as Cam.