I hate it when people say things like “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” and then follow up with a remark so inane and uninformed that you want to smack the person into the middle of the INXS revival tour.
I don’t discuss my medical history on this site, but I can tell you from personal experience that the whole concept of “racist bones” is a myth. Racism doesn’t reside in the skeleton, for the most part. It’s in a variety of body parts that’s determined by each individual and his or her genetic makeup. In my case, for example, racism resided in an ingrown toenail.
Some time ago I found walking very painful. I went to the doctor, and he said “You have an ingrown toenail. I’ll have to cut it out of your skin using these tiny scissors. On the bright side, though, it looks like most of your racism is also in there so we can get rid of that as well.”
I said, “That’s great! So I’ll never be racist again?”
He said, “Well, you have to be careful or it might grow back.”
I said, “Right--so I shouldn’t tell racist jokes, and stuff.”
“Well, no, that’s not necessarily true. For example, Sarah Silverman tells racist jokes but she’s not a racist. She has a joke that goes like this: ‘Christians blame the Jews for the death of Jesus. Jews blame the Romans. I’m the only person who thinks it was the blacks.’”
“That sounds racist to me, Doc.”
“No, it’s ironic. She’s exposing racist attitudes by exaggerating them until they appear ridiculous. You have to listen to what she says, and then pay attention to the subtext.”
“Wow, that sounds like a lot of work for the listener to do. Are you sure she isn’t inscribing racism back into public discourse under the guise of postmodern commentary?”
“Not a chance. She’s a woman and Jewish.”
“Oh.”
“But she is hot, so that is a strike against her.”
I said, “Doc, you’ve completely confused me. How do I prevent my ingrown toenail from growing back?”
He said, “Your shoes are probably too tight, so try to wear looser shoes. And walk around barefoot when you can. And try to recognize the privileges that have been conferred on you as a result of your personal ethnic background, and that not everyone receives such advantages due to various confluences of race and class--an insight which is no way detracts from or contradicts the power of the individual to make his or her own way in society.”
“Great, thanks Doc, I get it. But listen--I know that the whole ‘racist bone’ bit is silly, but it would be nice to know that I don’t have a racist bone in my body. Is there any way to tell?”
“We’d have to take an x-ray to give you a definitive answer. But I’m afraid you wouldn’t like the results. We’ve found that everyone has at least one racist bone in their body.”
“Really?”
“Yes, for some reason, the clavicle is a racist bone across the board--regardless of race, color, or creed. It gets all high and mighty because it’s so important, and completely fails to recognize its utter reliance on the sternum.”
I don’t have a racist bone in my body, but sometimes my mouth says things that my brain has to analyze carefully in order to be sure they don’t mean what they sound like. Your mother and I always thought you have cute clavicles, though.
P.S.
Homicides in California involve blacks far more than any other racial/ethnic grouping, both as victims and perpetrators. It would be racist to attribute that fact to race, as though blacks are somehow more violent or less civilized than others by virtue of their race. But, is it racist to note the fact? I sometimes get the impression that you would consider that a racist comment.
It depends on context. If the comment is made without additional commentary, and frequently, then I feel as though racial difference is being invoked--something I don’t personally believe in.
My racism resides in my right elbow. I’m not sure why, but it’s always sticking itself out and elbowing minorities. And then it’s awkard to try to explain that it’s not me, it’s my elbow, so in order to avoid that confrontation I usually just punch them in the face and run the other way.
It would be great to live in a world where race didn’t matter, but maybe I’m just being too idealistic.
Diane Sawyer was interviewing Toni Morrison a few years ago when in the course of the conversation Diane told Toni, “I don’t even see you as black.” To which Toni replied, “Yes, you do, Diane. It’s the first thing you see me as.”
Great one, GHo.
Thanks for putting your finger on what bugged me about Sarah Silverman. I don’t think irony is an effective shield.
Look at what happened to The Man Show. At first, it seemed to be making fun of the celebration of the culture of Doodhood, and eventually just became the celebration it mocked.
It’s like the undercover cop who becomes addicted to heroin and can’t remember which side he’s fighting for anymore.
I actually think Sarah is funny but I do think it’s a very dangerous game.
First I would just like to say that I loved this blog because it was funny and smart (i.e. witty) which I love.
Second because I’m married to someone that is hispanic (I’m white) I hear a lot of people make retarded comments. The one thing I hate the most is when any one starts a comment like this,"I’m not racist but,...” Um yeah you are if your saying that.
~sigh~
Also Diane is retarded, color is color and just because you notice the color doesn’t make you racist , it’s if you judge someone because of it. I think people are afraid to even “notice” color, for fear that they will be called racist.
Hey Caitlinator...don’t try to take my sweet races away from me.
And Greg...don’t think I didn’t notice all the ‘barefoot’ jabs. Classic anti-Indian ‘comedy’. Hmph!
um did i hear a retardist comment?
Snort!
I go round and round with my husband on the topic of racist jokes. I enjoyed reading your take on it. Smart and thoughtful.
retarded
adj
Definition: intellectually limited
Antonyms: able, bright, genius, intelligent, smart
lol, you made me feel bad for a moment “m” so I had to look it up, and I copied a definition. I think its apt, after all racists are intellectually limited. :0)
I feel uncomfortable.
96% of misspellings of the word colour are perpetrated by Americans. Is it racist to note that fact?
Okay either I’m spending too much time at dictionary.com or I’m paranoid lol. I’m assuming (please no ass jokes) that the comment on the spelling of color/colour was somewhat aimed at my spelling of said word. So I wanted to make sure that I haven’t been spelling the word “color” wrong. If you go to dictionary.com you’ll see color is the proper way to spell it unless your British in which case colour, would be the proper variant.
It is now official that I’m indeed a nerd, and care far to much of what other people think of me. ~sigh~
Certainly it isn’t racist to note facts about different groups of people. It is racist to assume that a common genotype is the sole effector of that fact, rather than a variable. It is not the melanin content of skin which affects, or causes, or predicts homocidal behaviour.
Or homicidal. That’s the correct spelling in Singapore. Yeah.
great post, greg. thanks.
i just had dinner with a colleague who told me about a friend of the family saying “i wouldn’t want my daughter marrying somebody black” - the prof telling me the story is black. and this woman said it to her face. she said, on one hand she was flattered, because the sentence meant the woman just saw her as a person, not black, not white, just someone like her. she (the woman) didn’t see her (my colleague) as black.
and on the other hand, she said, the comment bothered her all the more, because that woman didn’t see her as black.
i’m envious that you can locate your racism so precisely. i think mine is more like a shin splint - it flares up inconveniently and radiates through more of me than i’d thought possible. and when i’m not paying attention i think it’s all healed. damn bones.
ps i’m so calling you “GHo” from now on.
I stick to ethnic jokes about my own… people, if you will. Figure that I have a Jewish background, I might as well use it. Of course, sometimes I stil get blank stares, because, unlike Sarah Silverman, I don’t look the part.
When someone says, “I’m not {BLANK}, but...” it means they are {BLANK} and are about to show you why. The “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” is ALWAYS the preface to the most outrageously racist thing you have ever heard.
Sarah Silverman is TOTALLY hot. Does she get naked in that movie? No? Aw. What a waste.
Hey! Recently found you and LERVE YOU!
Wanted to say something more brilliant than “cut a V into the middle of your toenail so it will grow in towards the cut and not out into your cuticle” but am a dumb bitch. Plus I’ve had 2 glasses of vino, which always makes my conversations pretty random but there you have it. Now go cut those Vs.
And keep blogging because you.are.the.man.
No, seriously. I mean it.
This is a topic that requires much discussion, arguing, hurt feelings, self reflection, forgiveness, acceptance… but that toenail thing is cool… I’ll try that right away.
A waiter walked up to a table of Jewish women and asked, “Is anything all right?”
Is that racist? My Jewish friends laugh the hardest at that one.