Christmas is the only time you ever hear about Harold the Angel, and I’m pretty sure it’s because the other angels were jealous of his vocal work with hymns and carols. As a result, they excluded him from all the cool projects that would have made him famous.
I’m sure Raphael said to Gabriel at some point, “No, we’re not inviting Harold to help us map the course of the Euphrates River. He gets his time in the sun every damn December. For 30 days out of the year, all you hear is ‘Hark! The Harold Angel sings.’”
And there appeared before them the Heavenly Host, praising God and singing “Lasagna in Eggshell Sauce DayGlo, Yeti Terror Pox Omnibus!”
Um, ouch? =)
That’s almost as bad as:
The East German apparatchick , Rudolph, was hanging out at the local communist poetry slam with his girlfriend, Sveta. As they sip ersatz coffee, Rudy looks out the window and sees something falling from the sky. “Achtung! Sveta, look, it is raining.”
“Nein!” She barks, annoyed that he has distracted her from the glorious creative expression of the workers “Zat is snow!”
But Rudolph is not so easily deterred (as Sveta well knows from his irritating tendency to argue the finer points of Das Kapital, when she would much rather he would socialise her means of production if you nudge, wink know what she means.)
“Ja, Sveta, is rain. Look!” He drags her outside by the hand where they discover the precipitation is, indeed, rain.
“OK, are you happy now?” asks Sveta, rolling her eyes.
“Nein. Not until you admit that Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
I was in seventh grade English class, and right after we said the pledge of allegiance, my friend Tara raises her hand and says “Um, Mrs. Crane, who is Richard Stans?”
To this day, after being corrected, ridiculed and teased, my sister STILL sings “El Dorado, why don’t you come to your senses?”
for years i thought the american national anthem began with a question to some guy called “josé” ... and my ex always sang “hosanna, citoyens!” (in place of “aux armes") in the french one ...
isn’t there a book of funny mishearings of song lines?
They’re called mondegreens. I don’t know about a book, but see SF Chronicle John Carroll’s home page http://sfgate.com/columnists/carroll/mondegreens.shtml for his many columns of them.
Yes, the book is called “Excuse me while I kiss this guy”. It’s hilarious. My favorite is from Bette Davis Eyes, “All the boys think she’s a spaz”.
With God as my witness, this is the first time in my life that I didn’t know it was “all the boys think she’s a spaz.”
Who the hell gets so caught up in their crappy pop song emoting that they make the word “spy” sound like “spaz”?
...Our Father
who art in Heaven
Howard be thy name…
Sleeee--eeep in heavenly peas.
I always pictured the baby jesus covered in green slop.
Did Harold win The Heavenly Idol too? Cuz absolutely no one likes those Idol winners…
lol...that goes hand in hand with my aunt, as a child, thinking God’s name was Harold because of The Lords Prayer that said, “And Harold be Thy name.”
I want to find out who this “round John Virgin” guy is.
harold actually has a newspaper here in boston that’s pretty good, too ...
Emma Dreaming, Arthur White, Chris Muss;
Jess Lyke-Dee, Juan Swee, Hugh Sterno…
Have you been waiting all year to post that?
my son thinks it’s “peace on earth and and mercy mild, god and sinners wrecked the style.”
queer eye for the straight guy was just a little too late to help matters in the olden days.
One of my boys (about age 5 or so) sang the lyrics to that Sting song as “If I ever looooose my taste in shoes........”.
The other one, when making his First Communion, practiced the prayer as “Our Father, who aren’t in Heaven......”
Where’s Art Linkletter whn you need him?
and oooh! the carol sting himself redid, “the angel gabriel” - with the chorus “most highly flavoured gravy” ... just try singing “most highly favoured lady” with a straight face after that ...
I wanna play…
“Hail Mary full of grapes”
“What a friend we have in cheeses”
I’m told there is a cheese shop in Nazareth, PA, called “Cheeses of Nazareth”.
For Cheeses of Nazareth, go to
http://www.secretclosetgifts.com/browse.cfm/4,2039,0,0,0.htm
are we only doing christmas songs here? Because, if not? I’d like to confess that I JUST found out that Michael Jackson was not asking “Eddie” if he was ok, rather, he was asking some chick named Annie. Whatever? I thought Eddie got shot (because, didn’t someone get shot in the video? Or am I crazy) but it was a WOMAN? I don’t get it.
What would I do without Melly?
there is also a book called “he has the whole world in his pants” thats about misheard song lines.