The Yeti got me going with the idea that the pope might be chosen just the way Buffy the Vampire Slayer was--that there’s someone next in line to become “magically popey.” In the TV show, a young girl is chosen by the Powers that Be and empowered to fight the forces of darkness. When she dies, another slayer is called to take her place. As the Yeti implies, there’s a similar concept behind the pope; people might mourn his loss, but another one will pop up pretty soon and there’s always popes-to-be waiting in the wings.
Then I started thinking about the final episode of Buffy, where the good guys changed the rules and cast a spell that activated all the slayers-in-waiting. Suddenly, there were hundreds of superpowered girls ready to protect the earth and avenge the innocent. I’m forced to ask: why don’t we do the same thing with the pope? Let’s not just choose one of them. Let’s find all the people who would be in line to become pope and just say “You’re all popes. Get on it.” We could give them a bunch of big hats and just like that! we’ve made the world a safer place for humanity.
Buffy is our guide: We shouldn’t settle for one when we can have many. I don’t mean to be ridiculous and suggest that we call them slayers, or anything. I would call them the “popepourri.”
Popepourri means “rotten pope” in franglais.
I wouldn’t walk too close to any lightning bolts today… if I were you…
“Magically popey” sounds like something on a cereal commercial. Pope Chex, they’re popealicious! Full of popey goodness!
Greg = funny.
What are the Special Pope Abilities, I wonder?
+7 Blessing Power?
-15 Venial Sin Damage?
Pontifficating?
actually they already tried that, in the 13e and 14e centuries, in avignon. the experiment didn’t work so much, but it DID leave a lovely papal palace in france.
nice garden too. with swans.
ps you slay me.
so to speak.
What are the chances this would happen?
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” - Alexander Pope, Letter to Gay (1727, I think)
Boooooooo… for the popepourri comment. All that build-up for a pun? I expect better from the corporation of Geese Aplenty.
I don’t.
Oh no you didn’t!!
ya can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a pontiff these days… but how are they all going to fit in the popemobile?
Buffy is my guide in all things. Well, also my therapist.
Dan:
Take off their hats.
Let’s just hope the Pope doesn’t have a friend who’s a witch with a thing for yellow crayons.
I like the idea, but you have to plan these things in advance. China will have to gear up to make all those funny hats.
I’ve had a bottle opener with the papal seal on it for years (chez moi, we call it “the pope-ener"). Does this mean I get to be a member of the popepourri? The faithful would never be thirsty on my watch!
Bet you didn’t know that I am a potential. But I feel no different today than I did Friday. I’m not the one.
are you smoking pope?
that’s a fantastic idea
Greg, you are going straight to Hell.
For that horrible “popepourri” comment, I mean.
See you all in Hell. Party at the Pope’s.
Well done, RSN!
How sad am I that I’m pissed you told me that plot of the final episode of Buffy? I was working my way through the series on DVD and I hadn’t got there yet. I am so pathetic…
Ack, does my thesis have to follow me everywhere?! Honestly, Greg, I love Buffy but the fact that I really need to revise my Buffy chapter just collided with my procrastination and I don’t know that I can handle that.
ps. You make good funnies.
flurking brilliant!
I think that the new Buddha is chosen in a slayer sort of fashion… however, I may have just taken this from the episode of King of the Hill in which they almost make Bobby the new Buddha. But I think it may be the case. However, I believe your idea is a good one, but if the next pope choses to live as long as the previous one did, then we would be popifying the unborn… kinda weird how that is the polar opposite of the undead huh? Strange and mystical connections if you ask me.
Am I to understand that the new Pope might be a hot teenage chick that can kick ass?
I’m converting to Catholicism.
Popepourri would be a marketing dream! Action figures, lunch boxes, everyone could have a favorite they could relate to- sporty pope, ginger pope, etc. Of course, breakup would be inevitable once the boy bands move in.
“I would call them the “popepourri.” “
Ok, THAT made me laugh out loud.
Thanks, I WAS having a shitty day.
I hope you mean “Buffy” the movie—where Paul Reuben was one of the bad vampires and Buffy knew when they were around, because she’d get period cramps. HOTT
right. cause, you know, that’s working so well for the new Minute Men.
whackadoos.
I like your idea, I think the current selection process for choosing pope is biased towards Catholics.
Have you just been dying to use that last word somewhere? Well this was perfect!
I think they are actually dealing out “Popémon” cards and picking the popey character that will look best on lunch boxes.