Greg’s Mom never receives any acknowledgment from me on Mother’s Day. From the very first, after Greg’s older brother was born, it seemed to me that such acknowledgments should come from her sons, and not from her husband. Hence, unlike many husbands, I have not given her gifts or cards or anything else on Mother’s Day. This is one of many instances where, in my mind, the logic of the situation overrides the emotional content of the situation. Some consider this a character flaw on my part
Greg’s Mom and I have often discussed another issue related to male-female relationships. It has been brought to mind for me because we have a large flock of wild turkeys living on and around our home, and this is mating season. Unless you’ve seen one, it is hard to imagine how beautiful a tom turkey is in mating plumage. When those hormones begin to flow in the spring, the dangling wattle under the turkey’s beak and neck turns an intense bright red-orange from which it is hard to turn away. The beak and head turn an iridescent pearly blue-gray. The feathers become iridescent, and as the toms strut with their tail feathers fanned out, the sun shimmers and bounces and dances off them. (If Greg permits, and if I can get a decent picture this weekend, I’ll post it so you can see some of what I mean. Photographs don’t really do it justice.)
Human beings are members of the animal kingdom also. They have their inborn mating instincts. One of them is, that women are more likely to draw attention if they are physically attractive. Greg’s Mom tends to object to that. She feels that male focus on physical attractiveness short-changes many women of good character, high intelligence and charming personality, who would be highly attractive to men on those grounds if they were just given the chance to make those assets clear to the men. This is all true, yet, despite the advances of the feminine equality movement, the majority of dating advances are made by the men. The men ask the women to whom they are attracted. (Why would they ask a woman to whom they are not attracted?) Attraction is a largely biological issue. So this is not going to change.
Notice however that I said a “largely biological” issue. It is not solely biological. Cultural norms do play a part, but again, unfortunately, current American cultural norms reinforce the biological, and do not correct or adjust them.
All that being said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How many times has Greg’s Mom commented to me that some actress or person of our acquaintance is “beautiful” causing me to look at Greg’s Mom with astonishment that she could think so. And how many times have we all seen a truly ugly man with an attractive woman, or the reverse.
But some beauty, both physical and other, is absolute. Keats knew it. Baudelaire knew it. And how beautiful is Greg’s Mom, still so after 40 plus years together. So, a few weeks in advance, Happy Mother’s Day.
damn it. i was all prepared to say something pithy, or insightful, or even cynical ... and got to the last paragraph and now i’m left with general weepiness.
that last paragraph is one of those things of beauty. thanks for writing that, greg’s dad.
p.s. i agree with you on the mother’s day issue. it always creeped me out to hear my father calling my mother “mom.” (one of those “so THAT’S how it is in their family” kind of creeping-out feelings. oy.)
So was this some kind of ode to Greg’s mom, or to some hunky, male turkey? ‘Cause one of those choices is a little weird.
I agree about the Mother’s Day thing. Moms and Grandmothers get cards from me. Someone asked me if I sent a card to my sister who had recently had a baby. “Um, no.” “Why not?” “Because she’s my sister.” Maybe I’m missing something. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Conversely, I think anniversaries are between the married couple only. No kids need be involved. In most cases, they weren’t there at the original event. My sister says, “What should we do to commemorate my father and his wife’s 25th wedding anniversary?” “Leave them alone,” was my answer.
My rule: If I was in your wedding, then I will feel a little guilty when I fail to acknowledge your anniversary. Otherwise, you get nothing, not even the guilt of a card not sent.
Hooray! Great post. And likely to keep you in someone’s good graces for at least, oh, a week.
i agree with you, matt. as a mom of 3, i don’t expect anything from my husband on mother’s day, except maybe his customary smile & kiss. and from my kids - only if they want to.
also....we have friends who also have wild turkeys on their property & i did witness some of the mating ritual a few weeks ago. you’re right - it’s a thing of beauty. in fact, i’m gonna get my husband some plummage!
That was lovely.
If only other people’s parents (mine) were still like that.
That’s great. There’s no two ways about it. Origins of Greg. Many weeks early, Happy Father’s Day.
Truly, the last thing I need on Father’s Day is a thought from anybody but my actual daughters.
Kudos to Greg’s Mom. Mob well done.
Yep, you got me with that last paragraph.
I have to disagree on the anniversary thing. My parents have been successfully married for 30 years as of last month. That is a great feat in my eyes, considering that the vast majority of marriages are not as good as theirs has been. I commend my parents and other couples like them and hell yeah I acknowledge their anniversary, usually just with a card to let them know what good role models I think they are for relationships in general, and this year, with a bottle of fancy champagne.