Shopping for a one-year old’s birthday is easy. The stores arrange the toys by age, knowing that babies have no idea what they like anyway. For example, the “YEAR 1-3” section has a bunch of colorful, battery-powered animals that say cute things. The only way you can go wrong is if you accidentally buy “Early Naptime” or something.
But I was surprised to see that the years kept on going. I walked down the aisle and saw YEAR 5-10, YEAR 15-18, and YEAR 20-25. I walked all the way up to my age, YEAR 30-35, and saw a large comfy chair with a glass of scotch strapped to the armrest. I sat in it and immediately the voice of Jessica Alba started whispering stock tips. I thought about buying it, but there was a lot of assembly required.
In shopping for my niece’s present, I learned a lot about what’s popular in the world of babies. For example, there’s this children’s band called The Wiggles. For some completely bizarre reason, they have the outfits and the haircuts of actors from the original Star Trek series:
They have books and albums. It was weird, because after learning about them I started seeing them everywhere: I drove past the Oakland Coliseum and damned if they weren’t coming to play live. I mentioned this to my sister-in-law, and she said “We could take Cameron to something like that in maybe a few years.”
And this makes me sad, because no children’s band ever lasts that long. They always break up. For example, the lead singer refuses to share his instruments, or the drummer develops a bad cake habit.
It’s amazing to me what my brother and his wife are doing to prepare for Cam’s future. They are interviewing--interviewing--at pre-pre schools. That’s so they can get into a good pre-school, and then get into a good kindergarten, and so on until they ensure her future.
I think it’s nice they’re doing all this, but I don’t really think it’s necessary. I never worried about what pre-school I was going to get into; my academic strategy was to stay out of juvenile hall long enough to take the SATs. And here I am--a completely functioning adult with a rich, meaningful career.
Now I’d better stop blogging; I need to go zone out in a meeting for an hour and then go back to my cube and play Tetris until it’s time to go home.
you kill me. that armchair bit should be true. i love that even your photo is labeled that way so if my mouse stays over it long enough, i get a little blurb : “The Wiggles.” thank you.
Have you seen a Wiggles show?
It’s ghastly. Those men should be shot. Just because someone is a baby doesn’t mean s/he is an idiot.
Sometimes the band stands the test of time… remember that drummer kid who lost his arm in a tragic Big-Wheels accident? With a little phisio, he was back on his set ‘till puberty I think… Mmmm… Tetris… *drool *slober… zzzzzz…
Don’t forget the good hour you need to spend playing the ridiculously addictive Fishy. My ability to play this mindless game for hours at a time while trapped in my cube was the final straw that drove me out of an office environment. It’s like crack. Ohhhh. Fishy. http://www.learn4good.com/games/online/play_fishy_online.htm
Yeah, dude, you were just seconds away from getting tossed in juvey.
I am currently on a 12 step program for my cake addiction; it’s no laughing matter.
Hey, no dumping on the Wiggles. They’re cool. Okay, as cool as one can be when you dress in a skin-tight flourescent unicolor top and your best friends are Wags the Dog and Dorothy the Dinosaur. But still…
how I long for the good old days when, as a child, I could entertain myself for hours with a sharp piece of rusty metal. It didn’t keep me out of pre-school, either. That was because of the tourette’s and the jazz dancing thing.
now, back to my little cache of rubber erasers and old bent nails. I have a lot of pretend animals to make today.
Now you know, Greg. When you have children, you can start early with the education and avoid all the disappointments your parents faced. I hope you write more posts about kids and pets.
I said that my niece bypasses my organic spam filter! Oh, and your dog. And maybe Meredith’s cat. And maybe Greg’s dog and Helenjane’s dog. And…
You know, all of that pressure to get your kids on the fast track kind of freaks me out.
Doesn’t anyone go to state colleges anymore? Or are they the Vo-Tech of the new millenium?
And who hasn’t heard of Harvard students with covert cake labs being run out of their dorm rooms?
You need to do some research on the Wiggles. They’ve only been popular in North America for a few years, but they’ve been big stars in their Australian homeland for many more. If something as lame as Barney can still be popular after all these years, these guys will be around for a while yet.
I’d just like to add my tick to the ‘they are actually pretty good’ side of the Wiggles ledger.
But I hear they’re franchising - if your version isn’t Australian, demand your money back.
stick with they might be giants as a kid-friendly band. it’s the only way to go.
yay, they might be giants rule!
the ubiquitous wiggles are crazy! I have a 14month old and can’t bear to listen to them (so neither will she). They, along with baby Einstein, boobah, and countless others should really be categorized in the adult section under “acid stimuli”.
Hello, my name is hopefulloser and I am a cake addict (along with everything else on the menu).
Yeah the Wiggles are Australia’s favourite sons and have been around here for a long time. One of them actually won the Clea Bachelor of the Year a few years back. hehe! Back in the 80’s they were in a moderately popular band called “the Cockroaches”. I know, I bought the album *blush* - but, hey, I was only a teeny-bopper then so I’ll forgive myself ;D
favourite sons?! oh, nic, how to shame us all. id just about rather have rolf harris
Dude, the Wiggles sprung to popularity when *I* was a kid. That was back in the late 90s I believe, although they did not break into the US market for quite a number of years (I sound like I’m writing a Behind the Music segment about the band).
That being said, Hi5 are much cooler. They are better looking even though there’s that nagging feeling in the back of your head that you shouldn’t be looking.
I have a 2 1/2 year old son who occasionally catches the Wiggles on TV. Frankly, I think they’re really freakish. Grown men dressing alike in tight, spandex-y type tops and singing together for kids weirds me out.
But what do I know?
What store was that again?
My daughter used to watch the wiggles a few years ago, which means they have already been around for awhile. They may be at or near their shelf life already. I don’t know if you have watched them yet, although my daughter liked them, I thought they were very creepy. I shudder at the thought of seeing them live.
thank god for the wiggles. at least i don’t have to watch barney.
ha ha ha. Greg, man, i love you. You just described my EVERY workday.
OMG that is so funny. I was at my brother’s house and he had The Wiggles for his daughter and made the exact same Star Trek comment about the clothes.
They should have something bad happen to the “Red Shirt” every episode.